


Can We Surrender?

by aleia



Series: Surrender [3]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Cancer, Past Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25923919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia
Summary: Continuation of my teacher!Carlos verse as their relationship develops.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: Surrender [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838566
Comments: 244
Kudos: 221





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m never going to forgive him. I’m going to threaten to move in with my mom like I’m fifteen again,” TK says as he pulls Carlos into his room. It’s the first time TK’s even brought up his mother, so Carlos doubts it’s true. “He’s never threatened any of my boyfriends before. He _likes_ you.”

“He didn’t threaten me,” Carlos says.

“He told you not to have sex with me.” TK’s pout as he tries to pull off his hoodie shouldn’t be so cute. Unfortunately, it turns to a grimace when he lifts his left arm.

“Hey,” Carlos says as he gently stills TK’s arm. “Let me help you.”

“Your dad isn’t why I’m not having sex with you anyway. I already told you that,” Carlos says as he carefully undresses TK. There are still bandages on TK’s chest and back. Carlos can’t help tracing the skin around the gauze on his chest.

“I’m okay,” TK says. “And Michelle beat everyone else back to the station, so she changed them after I showered. I don’t think she would’ve been so passive aggressive if I wasn’t okay.”

“Sorry.” Carlos kisses his shoulder above the bandage.

“She didn’t tell me not to have sex with you, so she’s still less embarrassing than my dad.”

Carlos leans forward to kiss him gently. “You’re so exhausted that you’re barely standing up. Come on. You need to sleep.”

TK must really be exhausted because he nods, climbing into bed and pulling Carlos in after him.

“I’m not going to break.” TK says when Carlos keeps his hold light instead of holding him tightly the way TK prefers.

“Let me be careful with you,” Carlos says as he kisses TK’s back and trails his fingers down TK’s arm. “Stop fighting me when I try to take care of you for at least a few days, okay?”

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this part is tiny. The first two parts are really short, so I’ll post the next one tomorrow. I’m going to post the 3rd chapter on Tuesday because I’m tentatively planning to move now on Wednesday. I should have internet on the 26th, so there shouldn’t be a big gap. I’ll update tumblr on my phone if that changes.


	2. Chapter 2

Carlos is still holding him when TK wakes up. His fingers are trancing light circles on TK’s abs.

“Sorry. I was trying not to wake you up.” Carlos kisses the back of his neck, and TK arches into his touch.

“You can make it up to me,” TK says as he tries to pull Carlos’s hand lower. He groans when Carlos resists.

“You had to talk me into spending the night here. You really think I’m going to have sex with your father home?”

TK rolls onto his back so he can look at Carlos as he asks, “Are you serious? Are you really being serious right now? My dad literally told me to let you know he’s not old-fashioned.”

“You’re also not ready to have sex yet,” Carlos reminds him and only smiles when TK pouts at him. “Maybe by the time a doctor approves it, you’ll convince me, but I think I’d rather celebrate at my house where you can make as much noise as you want.”

Carlos kisses him softly, holding him in place with his fingers on TK’s chin. It’s almost embarrassing the way he chases after Carlos’s lips when Carlos pulls back. When it’s obvious that he’s not going to get what he wants, TK sighs and twists to find his phone on the nightstand. It’s already almost noon.

“This explains why I’m starving. Aren’t you starving?”

Carlos’s blush is subtle, but it’s more obvious with the way he looks away.

“I know he was weird last night, but I literally have the least scary dad. He would’ve fed you if you’d gotten up and told him that you wanted to let me sleep. Or you could’ve woken me up.”

“You need rest.” Carlos’s eyes fall to the bandage on his chest. TK rolls his eyes and pushes Carlos away with his right hand.

“And you need to eat. Come on. I promise my dad isn’t going to threaten you. Didn’t you spend two days in the hospital with him? You didn’t even do anything in my bed worth threatening.”

Carlos’s hesitation shouldn’t be as cute as it is. TK finds almost every southern custom outdated and ridiculous. He doesn’t need Judd threatening his boyfriends. Maybe it’s TK’s fault for hiding things in the beginning, but Carlos is going to learn that they don’t have hide their relationship from his dad. But it’s still cute to see him shy about it.

His dad is awake and in the kitchen. He smiles when they come in and pours coffee for both of them without asking. Apparently, his father already knows how his boyfriend likes his coffee, too.

“You should be at work. There has to be all kinds of paperwork from yesterday because you came home way earlier than you should have,” TK points out.

“The boss is letting me come in later because my son was in the hospital _again_ yesterday.”

“You’re the boss,” TK points out.

“Yes, that helped.”

TK only waits to argue because he wants to finish his coffee, and he wants his dad to make them breakfast. Also, it’s very cute the way Carlos calls his dad sir, thanks him for everything, and offers to help with everything while TK sits around and does nothing.

“I’m making you go to work now,” TK says after they’re finished eating. “Or go see Zoe. Or I’ll make Carlos take me to his house, so it won’t matter if you’re home anyway. I’m not letting you start mother-henning me all over again just because I had to get a couple stitches fixed.”

“Does he give you this much trouble about resting?” his dad asks Carlos instead of answering him.

“He doesn’t know yet,” TK answers for him. “But probably. You should give him a chance to find out.”

Owen looks from him to Carlos and back.

“I already tried to get him to have sex with me this morning, and he already told me no, so he’s going to just as annoying as you but much more fun to look at,” TK says.

His dad laughs while Carlos groans.

“Fine. But I’m texting you to check on you and if you don’t answer, I’m coming back home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is another short one. Chapter 3 is big I promise. I guess think of these as two little prologues from different points of view. <3


	3. Chapter 3

“I realize that I made it obvious that I kind of lied a little about not wanting my dad to know when I was hooking up. In my defense, I did that so you’d make me talk about it after he’s gone,” TK says after his dad leaves the room to get ready to go to work.

“I didn’t realize that’s why you did it, but okay.” Carlos is still catching up from the way that TK causally threw out his morning attempts to have sex to his _father_. Carlos had figured out that their relationship was different than Carlos’s relationship with his parents, but _that_ still caught him off-guard.

“Are you mad?” TK looks so worried that Carlos has to pull him closer to kiss his temple.

“I’m not mad. I’m just processing this change. I kind of knew you weren’t being honest about it, but I wanted to wait until you were ready to talk about it.”

“Thanks. I know I’ve been difficult, and you’ve had to be so patient.” Carlos is used to TK not always looking at him when he’s insecure, but it still makes him want to do whatever he can to make TK comfortable.

“Hey,” Carlos says as he links their hands and pulls them up so he can kiss the back of TK’s hand. “You gave me so many disclaimers. If I wasn’t willing to be patient while you figured things out and had some more time to heal, I could have insisted on just being friends until you were ready.”

“Thanks.”

Carlos doesn’t really think he deserves thanks for it—especially now that he knows how serious TK’s relapse was—but TK leans into him, so instead of pointing that out, Carlos wraps his arm around TK’s shoulders and pulls him close.

Owen comes back in the kitchen and gives TK a long speech of all the things he’s not supposed to be doing while TK rolls his eyes so much that Owen says he’s having flashbacks to when TK was fifteen. Carlos has listened to so many of TK’s worries about his dad that he couldn’t help being curious about how the man matched up to TK’s words. Now, he feels like he’s learning so much about TK from the way they tease ease other affectionately. The days Carlos and Owen spent together in the hospital they were both in too much of a fog to translate their interactions into the outside world so now it also feels like Carlos is getting to know Owen all over again.

After Owen’s gone, TK pulls him to the couch and sits down sideways so they can face each other. He takes Carlos’s hand and plays with his fingers.

“I promised my dad that I’d talk to you about some stuff,” TK says. “And I guess it’s really why I didn’t want to tell him about you. Because I knew he’d say some version of this conversation had to happen and I know he’s right. And I didn’t want to do that because I didn’t want you to think I was too messed up. And I know I told you that I was messed up, and you said that was okay, but it’s different when I explain what it means when you have to deal with it all the time.”

It’s moments like this that Carlos wishes that he was confident enough to tell TK that he loves him. Maybe then he’d realize that Carlos isn’t going to leave because TK’s having a hard time. If anything, understanding what he’s going through has to be easier than the past few months of guessing and always wondering if TK was going to push him away.

“I’m not going to get scared away,” Carlos says instead. “I think you should know that by now. And that was _before_ you asked me to be your boyfriend. Tell me what you need so I can prove it won’t scare me away. It’s not like I haven’t known that you were holding things back. It’s not going to be _worse_ because I know what’s going on.”

“I know,” TK says with a small smile. “I know that’s logical. Because it’s not like I didn’t know you’d probably be willing to put up with little things so that I don’t have leave and come home at night. It just makes me look crazy.”

“Well, if having this conversation is going to mean waking up with you in the morning more often, I very much agree with your dad that we should have it. Because I think I’ve made it obvious that I don’t love when you have to leave after we have sex.”

“I know. I hated it too, for the record. I hope I made that obvious by making you sleep here last night,” TK says with a small smile, and Carlos squeezes his hand and waits. “I told you that my dad made me live here because of what happened in New York?”

Carlos nods, but TK’s looking at their hands and not his face, so he brushes his thumb over TK’s fingers and says, “Okay.”

“I was still really messed up when we got here,” TK pauses and takes a deep breath like he has to fortify himself to keep talking. “The first couple weeks when we were still working on hiring everyone, I went to all the interviews with him because he didn’t trust me to be alone unless I was with my therapist or at a meeting. I was still sleeping a lot because it was exhausting to act like I was fine in front of everyone else, but we could work around it because I wasn’t really working yet.

Once the station was ready to operate, we agreed to rules. Obviously, there’s kind of a limit to how he can enforce them, but they’re not crazy. Just stuff like I need to let him know where I am, and if I’m coming home late. Drug tests if he’s suspicious, but he’s never actually made me do one. I could fight him, but it _does_ help me when I’m struggling. It also just keeps him from going insane worrying if I’m not home. I’m not fifteen. I don’t want to stress him out when I can just text him so he knows I’m okay.”

TK glances up at him and Carlos squeezes his hand.

“I understand why you didn’t want to tell me right away, but you’re not scaring me away. I’m glad you’re telling me now,” Carlos says. It’s not like he didn’t know TK was hiding things. TK never pretended otherwise. It must be the right thing to say because some of the tension leaves TK’s body and he nods before continuing.

“In the beginning, we agreed that I wasn’t stable enough to be dating. Hooking up isn’t that big of a deal. Dating and getting attached and having it not work out—that’s a bigger problem. When Alex—my ex—and I…when we broke up…” TK takes a deep breath and Carlos squeezes his hand and waits. “Alex and I didn’t just break up. I asked him to marry me, and he told me that he’d been trying to figure out how to break up with me because he was in love with someone else. I wanted to marry him and…”

TK’s voice cracks and Carlos starts to move toward for him, but TK shakes his head.

“I’m okay. I’m over _him_. I’m just not over what happened.”

“I’m worried about _you_ , not about if you still have feelings for this guy,” Carlos says because he hates watching TK hurt and not being able to comfort him. It doesn’t make TK come into his arms, but it gets him to smile.

“I just need to say the rest of this,” TK says, so Carlos waits. “The point isn’t that I couldn’t handle dating. It’s that we didn’t think I could handle another breakup. I didn’t tell my dad about you because I didn’t want him to ask me if I was ready when I knew I wasn’t. But I didn’t want to stop seeing you either.”

TK looks up at him and smiles before looking down again.

“Of course, _now_ he says that we would’ve talked about it, and it would’ve been fine. But he also told me I had to talk to you because I can’t tell him that I’m fine and don’t need his help. I know you must like me a lot to have put up with so much, but even now I’m not sure you’re going to want a boyfriend with a curfew. That’s why I couldn’t always spend the night. Because I had to say I was crashing with Paul every time I did, and Paul was really getting annoyed with that. Though my dad likes you, so it’s not really a curfew. He just wants to know if I’m with you. And it’s not just about me. He worries if he doesn’t know where I am, and I don’t want him to worry. So I maintain that waiting was a good idea because now he likes you enough that he’s not being weird and saying I need to sleep here.”

This time when TK looks up at him, Carlos pulls on his hand.

“Sweetheart, can you come here so I can hold you?”

The relief on TK’s face is obvious before he crawls between Carlos’s legs so that he can rest with his back against Carlos’s chest.

“First, all I care about is that you’re okay. That’s all. I don’t care if that means we have to be at your house, or you have to go home by a certain time, or we have to make sure your dad knows where you are. I want to help. Just because you didn’t explain it to me right away doesn’t mean I didn’t know there was something. And you _did_ tell me that you relapsed, and you weren’t feeling great mentally because of that—and the fact that you started a bar fight to feel something was a big clue. If I wasn’t willing to accept what that meant, I would have said so when you gave me the out.”

TK nods and cuddles closer to him. 

“He wants me to confirm when I’m spending the night and when I’m leaving so that he knows where I am. He wants you to promise you’ll text him if we fight or break up. He’s scared I’ll relapse if that happens. I know it’s kind of weird, but if I hadn’t been scheduled to work a shift when I overdosed, no one would’ve found me in time. He just gets scared that he won’t find me in time if something happens again.” TK says with his eyes closed. Carlos runs his hand through TK’s hair, presses a kiss to the top of his head, and thanks whoever’s listening that TK is alive in his arms. Maybe Iris sent him back the first time, too.

“I can do that. Can I ask you something?”

TK tenses in his arms, but he nods.

“Do you think you might do something to hurt yourself if something happens with us? On purpose or by accident?”

“I don’t know because it’s never been about hurting myself exactly,” TK says quietly. “I couldn’t honestly promise that I wouldn’t try to get drugs when he asked me. And he pointed out that it’s not healthy to put you in a position where you think we can’t argue because something might happen to me. And he’s right about that.”

“Okay. It’s okay. You’re not scaring me away. I just wanted to know where your head was.” Carlos kisses his hair again and squeezes him tighter for a second. “If that’s where you are, then we’ll have a plan with your dad. And maybe a back-up person just in case I can’t reach him.”

To his surprise, TK laughs. “This is why my dad likes you.”

***

TK might claim that he’s fine, but he says he needs a break from talking about serious things and then falls asleep on the couch while Carlos makes him an early dinner. Carlos lets him sleep. He’s rarely had the chance to watch TK just sleep because he’s not counting the coma as the same thing. TK usually falls asleep second and wakes up first. Now, when TK wakes up, he whines and resists waking up as if there’s anything stopping him from going right back to sleep. It’s adorable. Carlos gets up from the table and kneels next to the couch so he can run his fingers through TK’s hair. TK leans into his hand and smiles exactly like Carlos always hoped he would in the hospital.

“Why’d you let me sleep?” TK asks when he opens his eyes. “How long did I sleep?”

“A couple hours.”

“Sorry. You were making me dinner and I fell asleep.” TK sits up and Carlos moves to help him before he puts weight on his left arm.

“You’re healing. You need to sleep. I ate already if that makes you feel better. I have lots of books on my phone, and soup is easy to keep warm.”

TK smiles at him.

“You know I’m injured and not sick, right?” TK asks.

“I know. I also had to figure something out from what was available in your kitchen. If you have requests, we have to get groceries and maybe go to my house so I can use my own kitchen.” Carlos kisses his pout and pulls him into the kitchen.

“In my defense, I warned you that I was going to get spoiled.” TK says as he sits down and lets Carlos put a bowl in front of him. He tries one spoonful and moans. “How is this so good? Soup is supposed to be boring and bland so you can force it down when you’re sick.”

“You’re not sick,” Carlos says before kissing the top of his head. “And needing bland soup when you’re sick is something white people made up as an excuse for not knowing how to season anything. My mama’s soup will clear your sinuses.”

TK laughs and continues to eat. He never gets defensive when Carlos makes comments about white people. It’s one of the first things that made Carlos like him the day they met and danced at the bar. TK’s phone goes off with texts while he’s eating, and he takes a picture of his dinner and sends it to someone.

“Paul says he knew you’d spoil me as soon as I let you,” TK tells him. Carlos shrugs. TK hasn’t been away from the hospital a full twenty-four hours.

“Marjan says I better recognize how lucky I am—I do. Judd says…nothing worth repeating. My dad wants to know if there’s leftovers. Rude. What if I don’t want to share?”

Carlos laughs as he finishes washing his own dishes. “There’s leftovers for your dad. I’m hoping you’re better at sharing than a third grader.”

TK’s pout is obviously fake. “Not fair. He has someone of his own to date. And she’s very hot. Strands clearly have good taste.”

Carlos sits next to him at the table because he still can’t help wanting to be close enough to touch.

“If you share with your dad, you know I’ll just cook for you again, right?””

TK smiles and leans into his touch when Carlos scratches his back. “How long am I going to get this kind of treatment?”

“I _like_ to cook and I’m off work for a while, so that depends on how much you want to see me. But I’ll put you on dish duty once I’m not worried about your shoulder.”

There’s still a part of him worried that TK will get tired of him, but TK just smiles and leans over to kiss his cheek.

“You know, the main reason I didn’t tell everyone about you was because I didn’t want my dad to find out, but it wasn’t the _only_ reason,” TK says after he’s pulled Carlos back to the couch to cuddle and watch TV.

“Really?” Carlos makes himself note TK’s smile. There’s no reason for him to think TK hid him for negative reasons, but he’s hard not to hold his breath.

“I think I didn’t want to share you. I liked that you felt like you were just mine. Obviously, it wasn’t really true, but Michelle never brought it up, so I could pretend. You weren’t at calls. You didn’t judge me when I messed up at work. My dad made all these people move down here, so he feels responsible. It’s always been like that. Even in New York. That’s why I lived with my mom the first few years after they got divorced. Even though taking care of me was the whole reason we moved down here, I’m still always sharing him. When I was with you, I didn’t have to worry about being the captain’s son. You were just mine. Something I didn’t have to share with everyone else, and I didn’t want to lose that.”

“I get that. The past three years it’s like my life was my job and managing Michelle’s mission to find Iris. And then suddenly I had you,” Carlos traces his fingers down TK’s jaw and leans down to kiss him softly. “And I’m still yours. You know that, right? You still have to share me with Michelle, obviously, but considering that it wasn’t an issue before, I think that’s okay. No matter how much I get to know your other friends, I’m here for you.”

Carlos leans down to kiss TK again before he says too much. He’s not giving in to TK and having sex, but he’ll kiss TK as long as they can take it. TK’s never really withheld his kisses, but it still feels different. Carlos isn’t worried that when they separate to spend time with other people or responsibilities that TK won’t come back.

“I’m yours, too,” TK says against his lips.

***

They’re cuddling on the coach with a movie when Owen comes home. It wouldn’t be embarrassing except TK insisted that Carlos take off his shirt.  
Owen laughs when Carlos pushes TK off and fumbles for his shirt while trying to explain that they didn’t do anything.

“It’s fine,” Owen says. “You know, he was like that as baby. We could never get him to stop crying and go to sleep or even calm down without skin to skin contact. I had to warn his mother if I was bringing anyone to the apartment because we just gave up on wearing shirts at home for about six months.”

“Seriously? Can you go back to hating my boyfriends?” TK says as he stands up. “If you’re going to be like this, I’m not sharing his soup. I’m going to his house so we can have privacy and I can keep all his cooking to myself.”

***

Carlos isn’t going to push to go back to his house, but he _does_ need to change clothes and he can’t help wanting to keep TK with him. They’ve been seeing each other for months, but in that whole time, TK’s never totally relaxed. Now, there’s still moments when TK hesitates. He’s implied that there are still things they need to talk about and things he hasn’t shared.

But he’s also insisted on spending almost the entire day in Carlos’s arms. He keeps trying to push for sex, but it’s obviously playful and Carlos is more than happy to provide every kiss he asks for. It’s a little embarrassing when TK’s clearly doesn’t care about cuddling and asking for kisses with his dad in the room, but not enough for Carlos to reject him. More than anything, Carlos just doesn’t want to leave him yet. He wants to enjoy this honeymoon period as long as it lasts.

“We should sleep at your house,” TK says when he’s clearly starting to get tired. It’s early, but TK’s still recovering no matter how much he insists that he’s fine. “You probably want different clothes. Plus, we really have no good food here, and I want to talk you into making me breakfast in the morning.”

“Are you sure that’s okay with your dad?” Carlos asks quietly. Captain Stand is across the room and TK’s head is in Carlos’s lap, so he’s not worried about being heard. It’s not even about whatever rules TK’s expected to follow. Carlos still feels like he just got TK back. He doesn’t want TK out of his sight. He can’t imagine what Owen feels like. Of course, TK’s dad did get him back a few days before Carlos.

Instead of answering him, TK sits up.

“Are you going to be weird if we go to his house?” TK asks?

“Judd said you talked to him.”

Carlos isn’t sure when that happened, but it was what they agreed on, and TK nods. “Yes, because Carlos wants more backup plans than you apparently. He’ll probably call you and then Judd and then Paul and send Michelle in an RA unit if we fight.”

“If you think I’m not going to agree with that, you’re forgetting things.” Owen says, but he nods and adds. “Just let me know what your plans are after your meeting tomorrow.”

TK’s quiet on the short drive and when Carlos glances in his direction, his eyes are closed. Carlos is prepared to wake him up, but he opens his eyes when Carlos shuts off the engine. Carlos carries his bag for him and tries not to smile too much about it. Obviously, they both know that TK’s going to spend the night, and he told his dad that he’d go to a meeting the next day, so he brought clothes. But there’s still something about him purposely bringing clothes because he plans to stay that warms Carlos inside.

By the time they’re in the shower, TK’s too tired to even make a show of trying to get off. He leans against Carlos and only wakes up so he can explain to Carlos how to be careful with his stitches and change his bandages.

“I’m okay,” TK says when Carlos kisses his shoulder after he’s finished with the bandage on TK’s back.

“I’ll remember it eventually if you don’t get hurt again,” Carlos say.

“Between you and my dad, I’m going to be in bubble wrap,” TK says, but he tilts his head back for a kiss.

“Sorry if it’s making you crazy.”

“Maybe it’s the amazing cooking, but it’s not bothering me yet.” TK climbs into bed and pulls Carlos closer when Carlos spoons against his back.

It’s so quiet when TK talks into the darkness, that Carlos would miss it if he wasn’t pressed so close. “It’s not really making me crazy at all. Sometimes I get in my head and think I’m too much and you’re going to leave. It’s hard to think like that when you’re hovering the whole time.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m starting to get that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get a longer chapter out. 😊
> 
> Next chapter probably will be up after the 26th because unless I make a draft post, I won’t have internet until then and I barely fit posting this chapter in my schedule. I haven’t even started packing yet. I'll pop something up on tumblr if I am able to put up a draft to edit and post later when I have time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are tiny spoilers for the book _Red, White, and Royal Blue_ in this Chapter.

When TK jolts awake, he’s not surprised to find that Carlos isn’t wrapped around him anymore. He knows that he tends to move more in his sleep when he’s having a nightmare, and it’s only natural that it made Carlos let him go. But knowing that doesn’t make it easier. All he wants is to have Carlos hold him until his chest stops hurting. Normally, he’d just lie still until he felt far enough away from the dream that he it didn’t feel like he’d just drift back into it, but he’s not alone in bed now.

It would be a lot easier if he could sleep on his left side. Then he could just cuddle close, lay his head on Carlos’s chest, and Carlos might not wake up. But that’s not an option until his wounds heal a bit more, and Carlos doesn’t have to work tomorrow. So instead of forcing himself to deal with it alone, TK scoots backwards and tries to pull Carlos’s arm around him. It’s not a surprise when Carlos shifts on his own because it wakes him up. But at least he immediately turns on his side and spoons against TK’s back the way TK wants. He nuzzles the back of TK’s neck and it’s immediately easier to breathe.

“Sorry I woke you up,” TK whispers.

“S’okay baby. Are you okay?” Carlos whispers back with a sleepy slur.

“Yeah. Just a nightmare.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Carlos is sounding more and more awake which isn’t what TK wants.

“No. I just wanted this,” TK explains, and Carlos wraps him up tighter immediately. It’s perfect. It’s exactly what he wanted. Carlos kisses his back and nuzzles his face between TK’s shoulders before settling behind him.

***

The second time TK wakes up, he’s alone. He should get up. Carlos probably isn’t far. But he did warn Carlos that he was easily spoiled.

 **TK:** I’m cold and lonely. 🥺 🥺 [pleading face]  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Do you want coffee?  
**TK:** Yes, please! 😁

*

 **👨👦Dad 🚒:** I can see you rolling your eyes already but check in when you have a chance.  
**TK:** I’m fine. Carlos is bringing me coffee in bed.  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** Does he know what he’s getting himself into?  
**TK:** I’ve warned him. 🤷♂

“My dad is concerned you’re spoiling me,” TK says as he takes the mug of coffee from Carlos and takes a sip.

“My coffee pot is on a timer. It’s not too much work.” Carlos climbs back in bed with him before TK has to ask. “I’ll make sure to warn you about things I’m not going to be able to keep up during the school year. Coffee and breakfast in bed will be a weekend thing only.”

“I’ll survive. Even though Lizzie won’t be in your class next year so I can’t steal the things her dad makes for you.”

Carlos laughs as he lies down and drapes his arm over TK’s waist.

“There’s a twenty-five percent chance I’ll get her younger brother, so you never know.”

TK wants to just stay in bed all day, but he promised his dad that he’d go to a meeting, and he has to meet up with Judd because Judd wants more of an explanation about why TK needs an extra emergency contact. Maybe if they spend most of the day apart, Carlos won’t mind if he spends the night a second time.

"Can I ask what you’re thinking?” Carlos asks, interrupting his thoughts. When TK can’t find his words, Carlos presses a kiss to his shoulder. Sometimes he’s so sweet that TK has a hard time believing he’s real.

“Are you busy tonight?” TK asks.

“I generally try to not be busy at all the first week of my summer,” Carlos says. “I want to be wherever you are if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Yeah. Sorry. I’m being weird.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t want to push you. I know maybe it’s bad timing for me to just be off work and have all this time because I’m going to want to be with you all the time…”

“Hey,” TK says and when Carlos looks at him, he’s smiling. “I’m off work now too. The only thing that’s bad timing is that we have all this time to spend together and you won’t have sex with me.”

Carlos laughs.

“You laugh. I’m going to drive you crazy whining about everything. It’s not a coincidence that my dad just wants me to check in but he’s more than happy to pass me off to you. You’re going to start hinting that he should take me back.” TK tries to say it like it’s a joke, but he must fail because Carlos smiles softly and leans over to kiss him.

“We might both drive each other crazy if we’re actually together all the time, but it’s not going to be a big deal. We’ll be okay.”

“Sorry,” TK says. “I’m trying to be normal.”

“Baby, just be you.” Carlos trails his fingers down TK’s jaw to his chin and tips his face up. “And try to talk to me if something’s bothering you.”

“It’s not that I’m hung up on my ex. I’m over him. I just didn’t see it coming. He’d been kind of distant, but I thought we just needed to reconnect, and I needed to show him I was committed. I really thought we were going to be together a long time and then…” TK shakes his head. It feels like he has to force this out, but he knows one of his issues with Alex was that he waited too long to talk about things. “I just don’t want to get hurt like that again. I’m…scared.”

TK has to whisper the last word, but he’s sure Carlos hears him, because Carlos cuddles closer to him.

“I can’t promise you that it won’t happen, but I think we already went through a lot to get here, and I still want to be here with you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have hope that we’d be here a long time.”

TK lets himself give into the temptation to put his coffee on the side table and lie down all the way. As soon as he lies down, Carlos wraps TK up in his arms.

“Tell me something that you think might scare me away,” Carlos says and kisses the top of his head.

“Because you’re so sure it won’t?”

“I just got you back. I’m not letting go of you unless you want me to.” It’s easier to believe when Carlos hasn’t wanted to stop touching him for more than a few minutes since they made their relationship official.

“Even if I’m a horrible selfish person because I’m glad I was in the coma because if I’d woken up before they took me off the painkillers, it would’ve been worse? My dad had just started to ease up and now he’s obsessed with knowing I’m not left alone again. And he’s right. He’s so, so right.”

“None of that scares me away. It makes me happier that you’re going to talk to Judd about it today, but that’s just because I want you to have as much support as you can. I want to help as much as you let me. And I think you should remind yourself that getting _shot_ and being in a coma isn’t a normal thing. If you’re struggling more _now_ , it’s because of something that happened to you that really is a lot more traumatic than you seem to think it should be.”

TK nods into his chest.

“Tell me something you think might scare me away,” TK says and Carlos laughs.

“That’s not fair.” Carlos hides his face in TK’s hair which has the unfair added effect of keeping TK from lifting his head so that he can see his boyfriend’s face.

“How is that not fair?”

“Because.”

“I thought you _taught_ third grade.” TK feels kind of bad for smiling, but it’s true.

“Very funny. But it’s not fair because I only really have one thing to pick from. I’m actually trying to think of something else right now so I can say something without lying.”

There’s something in Carlos’s voice that makes TK feel awful for teasing him. He gently pulls back so he can look at Carlos’s face. His amazing, sweet boyfriend shouldn’t look so scared about something.

“Hey. Is it really that bad?”

“It’s not bad, it’s just…” Carlos shrugs and shakes his head.

“You don’t have to tell me. It’s not a big deal. Think about it and tell me when you’re ready?”

Carlos nods and the tension in his body starts to relax.

“I feel a little better that we’re both scared. Does that make an awful boyfriend?” TK says and that gets the laugh he was hoping for.

***

Summarizing his overdose to his squad as something that happened months ago was one thing. Telling Judd that his cravings are worse since he was shot, and his mental health is still only hanging by four or five threads instead of the one he had when the station opened is a lot harder to get out. For one thing, any time TK asks Judd if he wants to talk about his own feelings, Judd turns him down. Maybe it’s stupid for him to pick Judd when he could tell Paul, and Carlos knows Paul better. But as much as TK loves feeling like he might have a best friend for the first time in a while, he’s wanted a brother for a lot longer.

“Kid, I’m not trying to push you, but I’m getting a little concerned here,” Judd says when TK doesn’t actually start explaining like he said he was going to.

“I don’t want you think I can’t do my job when I come back,” TK admits.

“I’ve watched you do this job for months. And I know I’ve been hard on you, but if I actually thought you were incapable, I woudn’t’ve bothered.”

“Thanks?” TK picks at the salad he ordered and tries to figure out how to explain. “I didn’t really explain how bad my overdose was.”

“Okay. Well, I’m listening when you’re ready.”

“It wasn’t completely an accident. I mean, I wasn’t _trying_ to kill myself. I just didn’t care very much if I did.”

“Because of that asshole that left you?” TK can’t pretend there’s not a part of him that would like to let Judd go at Alex even if it’s not really Alex’s fault that he wasn’t in love with TK.

“Sort of, but it’s not like he should’ve stayed with me because of it,” TK says because it’s not like Alex really thought it was a risk. TK had been sober for _years_. It was barely even relevant in their relationship. Alex had no reason to think that TK couldn’t handle their breakup without relapsing. “I’d had issues with depression before, and I’d been really good for a while, but it’s kind of like I had to start all over. And I was doing better, but then they had to give me painkillers in the hospital. Plus, I can’t work. It’s not like I’m all the way back to where I was when I left New York, but my dad’s worried that if something happens with Carlos…”

TK shrugs because he’s sure that’s enough for Judd to get the point. Then he adds, “And Carlos is worried that if we have a fight or something, he won’t be able to reach my dad, so he thought there should be another option. They’re both mostly being paranoid. Mostly.”

“Anything specific I should know if he calls me?” Judd asks without any judgement. TK breathes easier. He didn’t think that Judd would judge him, but he’s been wrong about other people in the past.

“Not really. I’ll be okay if I’m just not alone. I’m not going to try not knock you out so I can go get drugs.”

Judd laughs. “Well, we know that doesn’t matter because you could try all you wanted.”

“What? You’re old. I wouldn’t do it because I might hurt you.”

“I could hold you back with one hand. I’m only not doing it now because you’re still broken.”

***

 **TK:** I’m disowning Judd.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** No you’re not. You don’t mean that.  
**TK:** How do you know that?  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Because at this point you’d have to say something different if you actually meant it.  
**TK:** Fair. He’s dropping me back at your house and he’s not allowed to come in under any circumstances.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** That’s between you and him.

***

“I just want to be clear about a couple things,” Judd says when he parks and turns off the engine to his truck.

“You’re not threatening him. Seriously. I mean it. I will call Grace. I will put her on speaker.” TK isn’t above playing dirty at all.

“You can close the door in his face,” TK says when Carlos opens the door, but he’s not surprised when Carlos holds it open for Judd instead.

“I’m not going to threaten him. We’re just talking,” Judd says after TK pulls up Grace’s contact on his phone and holds it up.

“Table or couch?” Carlos asks because he’s polite.

“Chances y’all haven’t had sex on both of them?”

Carlos leads them to the table without answering.

“Yet. We should fix that,” TK says. He makes a note to fix that as soon as possible. Judd sighs, and Carlos gives him an annoyed look that fails because Carlos struggles to hold back his smile when TK pouts at him.

“I don’t like that you started dating him after you knew he’d just relapsed,” Judd says. He looks at TK before TK can object. “That’s not a threat. It’s a statement.”

“It’s fair,” Carlos says. TK lets Carlos take his hand and he knows it’s supposed to quiet him, but he pointedly holds up his phone for Judd anyway.

“It’s fair,” Carlos says again firmly once he’s sure TK’s not going to interrupt. “For what it’s worth, I always gave him the option to be friends and to go at his speed. And I didn’t think it would help him to push him away. He didn’t have anyone else to talk to that he didn’t work with.”

TK’s prepared to warn Judd with his phone again, but Judd only nods.

“All right then. I think we’ve got a good plan. I don’t expect everything to be perfect. Every relationship has some issues, so don’t feel like you can’t call me if he needs some help.” Judd gets up and shakes Carlos’s hand.

“That’s it?” TK asks.

“He’s from Texas. Everything else is implied without me saying it. He knows it’s there,” Judd says as he points to his own eyes and then at Carlos.

“Okay. Now you’re leaving.”

***

TK’s determined to talk Carlos into at least giving him a handjob, but it’s impossible when he starts falling asleep early.

"You’re healing,” Carlos says, “I’ll read to you until you start falling asleep if you can behave.”

“Since when do I not behave when you read?’ Carlos shrugs, but TK can see the slight blush on his cheeks from so close. “ _Carlos_ is this book going to get _dirty_? Are they finally going to hook up?”

“I can edit while I read and make it PG.”

“Nope. No way. That has to be insulting to the author or something.” TK hands him the book from the night table and makes a show of lying down and cuddling against his side before looking up expectantly.

“Didn’t you promise not to make fun of me when we started the book?”

“This was before I knew you were going to read me a dirty book. I never considered that.”

“You still promised.”

“I’m did. I’m sorry. I’ll be good,” TK sits up to kiss him. “I also said I’d tell you if I liked the book.”

“You like it?”

“So far. I’m going to take that back if they don’t get together and stay together. Read. No censoring. If you refuse to have sex with me, you’re going to read me all the dirty parts of this book.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Judd’s talk in this is much simpler for reasons. I might make a tumblr post about it eventually. Or maybe just a Judd and Grace extra? I don’t know.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you missed the last update because Ao3 backdated it, double check. ;)

Carlos wakes up before TK again, but he tries to stay in bed when he’s tempted to get coffee. Eventually he caves and brings his own coffee back to bed which wakes TK up—which is exactly what Carlos was worried about.

TK’s face scrunches up, and he whines adorably as he reaches toward the empty spot in the bed. Carlos sits on the bed and runs his hand through TK’s hair to soothe him.

“Let me go get coffee for you and I’ll be right back.”

TK smiles and nods without opening his eyes. When Carlos lies back down, he cuddles close as soon as Carlos sits with his back against the headboard.

They’re still waking up when Owen texts Carlos.

 **Owen:** Sorry to do this, but have you talked to Michelle? She didn’t show up at work this morning and she didn’t answer when we called her. This isn’t like her. I didn’t want to go straight to calling her mother, and you’re her 2nd emergency contact.  
**Carlos:** No. I’ll try her phone.

Michelle doesn’t answer when he calls.

“She always answers,” he tells TK as he gets up. “Since Iris, she always answers.”

“I know. I know. But try to stay calm. Do you have her mom’s number?” TK always talks about how he’s a disaster, but once again, when it matters, he’s calm and focused.

Her mom doesn’t know anything, but Carlos manages to play it off as nothing because he knows Michelle won’t want her mom to get upset. That’s why they always waited until they had real facts before telling her about the leads they had on Iris.

“Okay. Where do you think she might go?” TK asks. “We can’t report her missing yet, but you probably know some of the places she goes. We can try to retrace her steps.”

“We don’t have to. I’m so stupid. We have our phone trackers on.” It’s something Carlos used to think was creepy until they had no idea what happened to Iris. TK says something about how he’s not stupid, and it’s normal to need a few seconds to think when you’re worried but Carlos is only half listening.

Michelle’s phone has been turned off, but it last pinged in an area Carlos recognizes.

“It’s one of the homeless camps she takes her van to,” Carlos explains. “I always tell her not to go alone, and she never listens.”

When they get to the camp, her van isn’t anywhere to be found. Carlos has only been to this camp with her once or twice, but when they get out of the car, one of the kids runs to him. It kills him that there are kids living in these camps.

“You’re Michelle’s friend?” she says when Carlos kneels down.

“Have you seen her?”

The girl hesitates.

“Crazy eyes was just trying to help her after the man hurt her. She’s nice. Don’t hurt her. She just gets confused.”

“We just want to help,” TK says as he kneels down next to them. “I’m a paramedic like Michelle. I can help her if she’s hurt.”

The girl considers him for a second before pointing at a purple tent at the other end of the camp.

Carlos starts to run. He’s ready to just rip open the tent when TK takes his arm.

“Hey. We don’t want to escalate things for no reason. It’ll be easier if we’re calm and just ask to help Michelle. Can I try to do this without upsetting this woman?”

It takes everything in Carlos to nod and let TK step in front of him.

“My name’s TK,” TK calls through the tent. “We’re friends of Michelle’s. Can we come in and check on her?”

Someone moves to the closed flap.

“Who are you?” The woman’s voice sounds familiar, but Carlos can’t place it. Maybe he met her before.

“I work with her. I’m a paramedic so I can help her if she’s hurt. And her best friend is with me. His name’s Carlos. You might have seen him before. We don’t want to hurt anyone or get anyone in trouble. We just want to help our friend.”

The flap unzips and the last person Carlos expects to see pokes her head out. “Carlos?”

“Iris?”

Carlos kneels down because standing up is suddenly impossible and Iris darts back into the tent. TK’s both holding him steady and holding him back from following her inside.

“Iris?” TK asks him.

“It’s Iris. That’s Iris.”

“Okay. Babe, I know this is hard, but I need to get to Michelle. Try to stay calm.”

Carlos nods even though he wants to do anything else except stay calm. He sits down on the ground so that TK doesn’t have to hold on to him to keep him from falling over.

“Call my dad. Tell him where we are and ask him to bring an RA unit but leave the sirens off so it doesn’t scare her, okay? Can you do that? It’s close. He’ll be fast.”

Carlos nods and fumbles with his phone while TK talks softly to Iris and gets her to let him come inside the tent even though she says Carlos can’t come in with him. Owen Strand is as calm and collected as his son. He assures Carlos they’ll be there soon and reminds him that TK can handle this before he hangs up.

The tent flap opens, and Carlos is expecting TK, but it’s Iris who comes out instead. She pokes her head out and looks around, then crawls all the way out. Carlos can’t do anything except stare at her. He wants to hug her even though she’s a dirty mess, but she already moved away from him once.

“TK said I should come out because you’re scared. Are you better at feelings now?” There’s something about her facial expression, and her wording is weird. Those calls to 9-1-1 that he listened to with Michelle come back to him. She’s Iris, but just not quite.

“I’ve been working on it,” Carlos says. “Iris, we thought you were dead. We thought you died in a car accident.”

Iris shakes her head and suddenly hugs him. Carlos doesn’t even care about the dirt or the smell. It’s Iris, and she’s alive. She smiles at him when she pulls back.

“Wade missed the turn. Mandy moved her mouth, but no words happened, so I left.”

They’re interrupted when Michelle crawls out of the tent and hugs Iris immediately. TK follows and kneels next to Carlos.

“Michelle was knocked out,” he tells Carlos in a voice as soft as the one he used for Iris, “But she seems fine. Iris said that a man stole her van. I guess Iris and one of her friends moved Michelle after the guy threw her out of the van. They didn’t know who to call because they’d usually call Michelle.”

Carlos just nods. He knows that matters, but Michelle looks fine now, so he’s more interested in the way Iris tells her that it’s not safe to come to the camp alone. When Michelle asks, Iris doesn’t know how long she’s been in the camp at all. Then she stops making sense and starts talking nonsense. She says they can’t protect her when Michelle insists that they can.

They’re interrupted when the ambulance shows up. Iris starts to turn back to her tent.

“They’re my friends,” TK says. “And my dad. They’re not with _them_.”

Iris looks from TK to him and he nods.

“I need to take Carlos’s car,” TK tells Iris. “Can you go in the ambulance with him since I can’t? I don’t want him to be scared while they take care of Michelle.”

Carlos can’t argue that he’s not scared even if TK is saying it just to get Iris to cooperate.

“You let him see your feelings?” Iris asks Carlos and Michelle laughs.

“Oh, Carlos lets him see a lot more than just his feelings,” Michelle says and Iris grins almost like she used to whenever she figured out that he liked someone. For just a second, it’s like things are back to normal. Then it’s gone and her head shifts like she’s listening for something.

“It’s okay. They’re not listening right now,” Iris says as Owen, Tim, and Nancy walk up to them.

“They’re going in the bus with you guys,” TK says as he gestures to the three of them. “You’re only treating Michelle.”

Tim and Nancy look confused, but Michelle nods and they accept it. Carlos gives his keys to Owen. Iris hesitates when they get to the ambulance, but when Carlos holds out his hand, she takes it and climbs in. She sits down next to him while Michelle lies down. As the door closes, she leans over to whisper in his ear, “I chew gum sometimes.”

***

 **TK:** We’ll meet you at the hospital. Are you okay?  
**Carlos:** I don’t know. It was going fine and Michelle got her to take some kind of medicine that was supposed to calm her nerves, but Tim and Nancy are looking at her like she’s crazy and it’s making her agitated.  
**TK:** I’m sorry. You’re almost there. My dad will drop me off and then go park. Some people aren’t as good with mental health patients.  
**Carlos:** Michelle always says you’re good with patients. She’s right.  
**TK:** Well, I didn’t learn it from my job. I know it sucks to be on the other side and not feel like they see you as a person.

***

True to his word, TK meets them as they’re being led to a big room with a lot of beds. He talks to the doctors and they’re moved to another room with one bed that Iris sits on with Michelle. With TK and Michelle’s help, they manage to get Iris’s vitals and figure out some basics while getting her cleaned up and in clean clothes.

There are moments after they give her another pill where Iris almost seems normal. When she hits Carlos for not keeping Michelle from getting arrested. When she teases him about TK and tells TK that he better not break Carlos’s heart. But then she falters when they say they want to keep her overnight and starts ranting that _they_ wouldn’t like it.

Then her mom shows up and Iris leaves before they can stop her.

“Let me try,” TK says and goes after her without waiting for an answer.

***

 **TK:** I got her to let me drive her back to the camp instead of finding her own way back. I’m sorry. That was the best I could do. I’m coming back to get you guys now.

***

“We just got her back,” Carlos says and Michelle nods.

“We know where she is. We can keep trying. She’s _alive_.”

***

TK hugs him for a long time before they go to his car. Carlos lets him drive because TK’s right that he’s still too upset. His car isn’t safer with him behind the wheel this time. By the time they drop Michelle and her mother off at her mom’s house, Carlos is convinced that TK isn’t a bad driver, and he doesn’t object when TK takes one hand off the wheel to hold his hand.

After they’ve showered, he pulls TK back to bed just because he just needs to be in TK’s arms.

“I don’t feel bad about Judd giving you a hard time, now,” TK says and when Carlos looks up at him, he has a soft smile on his face.

“Iris threatened you?”

“She did. And when you consider that she hid herself that long, I kind of believe she’d get away with anything she did to me. She seems to like me though, so I’m not too worried.”

“You’re so good with her. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“You would’ve been okay. You’d figure it out for her,” TK says. “It’s not really that different from anything else. Some people won’t believe anyone is hurting if they can’t see it. Even if it’s something physical like stomach pains. You can’t help people if you don’t believe them.”

It makes sense, even if what Iris is going through is so much different than anything he’s had friends struggle with before.

“You know why I moved in with my dad when I was fifteen even though he’d barely been around for the last few years?” TK asks.

Carlos can’t imagine Owen Stand not being a model father, but there’s still a lot about TK that he doesn’t know, so he just shakes his head.

“My mom gave me this whole speech about how I was irresponsible, and she talked about how things weren’t really that bad and even if they were, it would get better—which is seriously the worse thing to say to someone with any kind of mental illness. Because no one can know that anyway. It just makes people feel like you’re not acknowledging what they’re struggling with in the moment. How was I supposed to just believe it would get better? My dad was barely around. I felt like my mom was just stuck with me and it was ruining her career. How was I supposed to know anything would change? If I hadn’t overdosed, _would_ it have changed?” TK sighs and shakes his head. “Sorry. Not my point, and I could be on that soapbox forever. The point is that my dad didn’t do any of that. He asked what I needed, and then he worked from there. Even this time. Yes, he made me come here. He made all these rules, but he didn’t _start_ there. My mom wanted to send me off to a rehab facility, and I wanted to go home. So, my dad said I could go home with him if I’d let him help me. He started with what I wanted and needed, and then I trusted him enough to work with him on everything else. I know it’s hard to let Iris stay where she is. But Iris wanted to go back to the tent, so I had to take her back even if I was afraid you’d be mad at me. We start with what she needs, and we’ll take her some things tomorrow if you want and maybe she’ll let us build from there.”

“I’m not mad at you. It’s not like I could get her to stay.” Carlos sighs and closes his eyes. “It still doesn’t feel real. We mourned her, but now she’s here. Except that she’s not here because she’s not all there.”

“She’s just different, but some things are the same,” TK says. “When we were in the tent, she didn’t want you to come in because she said _they_ prefer it when she keeps a distance from you. She didn’t want you to come in because she wanted to protect you— _not_ because she didn’t want to see you. I think she only let Michelle find her because Michelle was attacked, so Iris _had_ to help her. So, I told her you were probably scared, and you needed her to come out and help. That’s what got to through to her. That you were scared, and she didn’t want you to be alone and scared. She still loves you.”

“I _was_ scared,” Carlos admits, and it feels like so much to admit it even though it’s obviously something TK already knew.

“I know,” TK says. “I was too.”

“You didn’t seem scared at all.”

“I’ve gotten really good at functioning while I’m scared. Some of it’s from my job, but most of it’s from pretending that I’m fine when I’m not,” TK says. “No offense, but I’d rather not let you get good at it if I can help it. I’m counting on Iris to agree with me on that. I think she will. She made me promise I’d take care of you multiple times.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iris is back! Honestly, I DO get why they did this the way they did it in the show. I like to imagine that (in the show) some time in between Carlos picking up TK from the hospital and then meeting him at the station to pick him up after he talked to the 126 that Michelle and Carlos at least had a conversation about finding Iris. But I didn’t have to cram everything in one episode and therefore leave Carlos out of one of the two storylines he was supporting so I didn’t do that. And then I wanted to let him and TK have 4 chapters to be happy before making things hard again, so it took me a bit to get to Iris, but she’s back now!
> 
> (Verizon has been working on setting up internet for 3 hours and I'm impatient so I'm updating using my hotspot since ideally I don't need to save the gigs I get with my plan for emergencies if they're working on it.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Michelle:** I dropped off some things for Iris last night. She let me sit with her for a while.  
**Carlos:** We’re going to try to go see her this afternoon. What did you take so we don’t take the same things? I don’t know what to take at all. Food?  
**Michelle:** Honestly, maybe just bring her something homemade to eat while you’re there because I stocked her up well on things she can store, but she mentioned missing your cooking. But keep in mind that her stomach probably can’t handle the levels of spice or dairy she used to like anymore.  
**Carlos:** Okay. I can make something.  
**Michelle:** The “we” means you’re taking TK, right? Tell him thanks again. He was so good with her. We are more than even for all the times I’ve had to put him back together.  
**Carlos:** I’m kind of afraid to go without him. Is that awful?  
**Michelle:** It’s not awful. I don’t know how to let my mom see her in the camp like that. Let me know how it goes.

***

TK also brings gloves and a few medical supplies because he’s proven that he’s incapable of not helping people. He might not go out of his way as often as Michelle to put himself in the situation, but he’s not going to ignore people if they need help either.

Carlos makes a mild version of the tortilla soup that has been his comfort food for years. He passed it on to Iris when they were in college and made it for her whenever she was sick.

“Thanks for doing this,” Carlos says to TK while he cooks. “It’s probably not what you planned for our first week together."

“First of all, I’d do this even if we were just friends,” TK says as he moves to hug Carlos from behind the way he often does when Carlos is cooking. “Second, I’m already annoyed that I can’t go back to work yet. This is like cheating the system with permission because Michelle already told me that she wants me to check in with someone she saw last night. I mean, I’d never switch to just EMS, but over half our calls are medical anyway. You have to be as old as my dad to have worked as a firefighter when you didn’t need medical training.”

Carlos smiles to himself and puts his hand over TK’s. It’s getting harder and harder to not tell TK how in love he is.

***

Iris looks around frantically when she opens the flap to the tent, but when Carlos shows her the thermos of soup, she smiles and moves back to let them in.

“Does he cook for you?” Iris asks TK, and TK smiles as he answers.

“He does. I keep telling him that he’s spoiling me, but he doesn’t seem to care.”

Iris nods her head, takes another spoonful of soup before she tilts her head and stares at TK.

“You interrupt the signal.”

And just like that, the illusion that Iris is just assessing his new boyfriend is gone.

***

They only stay two hours, and when they leave, Carlos passes TK his keys.

“Are you okay?” TK asks when they’re back at Carlos’s house.

“I don’t know. I want to shower.” It feels shallow, but he can’t help it. He’s never been as good as Michelle about looking past the conditions of the people in the homeless camps. He doesn’t judge them, but he wants to be clean.

“Can I join you?”

When he gives TK a look, TK just gives him a sad smile and comes closer.

“You look like you might fall over in the shower. Only one of us can be injured at a time. Plus, I promised Iris I’d take care of you. She was very insistent.”

It’s a show of how exhausted he is, that being naked in the shower with TK isn’t too much. He’s determined not to reinjure TK because he can’t wait for sex, but it’s hard to not want him. But now, he lets TK wash his hair and struggles to hold back his tears.

“You know when I was driving Iris back yesterday, she said I had to remind you that you can have feelings because even if you seem like you’re okay, sometimes you’re not,” TK says as he tilts Carlos’s head back into the spray. “I’m starting to get what she meant. I don’t know if I was too wrapped up in myself before to see the way you try to hold back or if maybe you just didn’t have something like this that made it harder.”

“My dad wasn’t like your dad,” Carlos says. “He was very ‘boys shouldn’t cry,’ and all that. I know it’s not right but knowing and feeling….”

Carlos shrugs.

“I had a complete disgusting crying breakdown on you before we had a second date,” TK points out. “And I’ve already seen you cry.”

“It didn’t bother me when it was you. I know it’s not healthy to think I shouldn’t cry. I don’t want you to be like me. I only really judge myself about it. Someone dying…even my dad would be okay with that.”

TK holds Carlos’s face in his hands and rubs his thumbs over Carlos’s cheeks even if he hasn’t cried.

“As long as you know I’m not going to judge you. You _can_ cry with me and it might make you feel better. It releases some kind of hormones if it makes you feel better to know there’s science behind it.”

Carlos shakes his head because science isn’t the issue as much as years of conditioning. But he steps closer so he can hide his face in TK’s neck anyway. TK’s arms come around him and hold him close. He starts to tell TK that he knows, but instead, something in him just breaks. It’s too much. First, he lost Iris, then he almost lost TK and now Iris is suddenly back but she’s not herself.

“That’s it. I’m here,” TK says as he cries and cries until it feels too hard to stand up even with TK holding most of his weight. TK holds his face under the cooling water to wash his cheeks before he reaches past Carlos to turn off the shower. He helps Carlos dry off and get into pajama pants before pushing him to his bed and climbing in after him. Carlos is used to being the big spoon. He _likes_ to take care of people. He’d gotten better at letting people care for him over the years because Iris always pushed him. But then she was gone, and Michelle forgot how to care about anything except Iris and her job. He had to be the one to hold them together. He’s let TK and Michelle take care of him for short periods of time, but TK’s right that he’s held back.

“Can you tell me what you’re thinking?” TK asks after a few minutes.

“It’s kind of stupid.”

“That’s okay.”

“I know it’s harder for me to be around her because I’m comparing her to how she was before, and because I care so much. But it just seems so easy for you. I’m jealous, but I’m also scared to go without you.”

TK kisses his shoulder and says, “It’s still hard for me sometimes. It is. But you’re right, a lot of it is that I don’t have anything to compare to. Some of it’s…this is kind of awful. I’m not sure I should tell you this.”

“It’s probably a good time to tell me because I don’t think you could say anything that will make me want you to go right now.” He tries not to think about _why_ he’s been holding back because he needs to get over it. If TK says he’s ready and he’s with Carlos, then Carlos needs to trust it. Trust him. And now, wrapped in TK’s arms, he’s not sure why he didn’t trust TK to hold him together. Even before they were officially together, TK stepped up without being asked when Carlos really needed him.

TK kisses the back of his neck before he says, “It’s gotten better since I first got here, but I’m always trying to keep people from seeing how messed up I am. I’m always trying to hold it together. I do it less with you, but I still do it. I don’t have to do that with her. It’s nice to not to feel like the craziest person in the room, I guess. I know that’s bad, but it’s why it was easier to tell Judd that I was struggling. He’s had a breakdown at the house, and my dad makes him go to therapy too, so he can’t judge me. When Iris said I’m somehow blocking their signals, and I said maybe it’s because the signals in my brain are all messed up so they can’t get through, she just nodded.

When I said that, you reacted—which is fine because I know it’s because you care. But when I say things like that, Iris just nods and says it makes sense and asks if I’ve let you tie me up yet. It’s nice to feel like I can say things like that, and it’s normal. _Also_ , do you _want_ to tie me up? I’m excited for all the fun and new things Iris wants to tell me about you.”

Carlos’s laugh still sounds a little like a sob. He’s been trying to figure out how to bring up the signs he’s seen that TK might be into bondage and exploring submission in general. _Of course_ , Iris just threw out like it was nothing. _That_ was the Iris he knows.

“It’ll get easier for you,” TK says. “but I don’t mind going with you until you’re ready to go by yourself. I like Iris. Exactly the way she is right now. We might be able to help her get a little better. She might not ever be the way she was before. But you can love her like she is now. You’ll figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a shorter chapter. I'll try to have less wait before the next one because of that. <3


	7. Chapter 7

TK can see the hesitation in everything Carlos does the next morning. It’s his own fault for not just telling his dad the truth so that he could spend the night more often in the beginning. But no matter how many times Carlos tells him that it’s fine that he lives with his dad and still checks in with his dad, it still feels like failure. Seven years. Seven years sober. He was sober so long that his dad never even questioned what he did in his free time. Never thought twice about TK being on his own because he’d earned his freedom. And now he’s all the way back to having to figure out how to date when he has to report back to his father where he is.

It would easier if he didn’t need it. If he really believed that he could live on his own, he could fight for it, and his dad would let him win because he’s not sixteen anymore.

But he can’t do that when he woke his dad up in the middle of the night less than a week ago because he had a nightmare and wanted to ransack the house for the painkillers the hospital prescribed that his dad took custody of immediately. Maybe he would have been okay alone. He could’ve called someone. But it was more comforting to crawl into his dad’s bed and wake him up to get support.

Carlos says it’s fine now, but TK can’t imagine he would have thought it was no big deal if TK had explained after their first hookup that he couldn’t spend the night without calling his dad. No matter how much his dad tries to make it normal and not embarrassing for him, there was no way his dad would have just accepted him not coming home two months after his overdose.

Now, it’s like Carlos is trying to keep them in bed because he’s afraid TK is going to realize how much time they’ve spent together and pull away.

“Sorry,” Carlos says after TK questions if Carlos is going to keep him in bed all day. “I’m being clingy.”

TK holds on to him when he starts to pull away.

“You’re not. Or if you are, I’ve been enjoying it, so it doesn’t matter. And for the record, if I’m allowed to be whiney and spoiled because I got shot, you’re allowed to be clingy after the last two days,” TK says as he coaxes Carlos to lie down with him again.

“I’m supposed to be taking care of you, and you spent the last two days taking care of me.”

Part of TK wants to take a picture to prove to someone else besides Michelle that Carlos has an even more epic pout than he does, but also, he appreciates that Carlos is starting to show him little things that he hides from most of the world. TK kisses him softly and runs his fingers down his jaw.

“It’s one of my favorite things about you,” TK says. “I love my dad, but he still tries to pretend he’s fine when he thinks I’m not. Then I feel like I have to prove that I’m okay enough to deal with it. It’s exhausting. If I’d been with anyone else when that bus crashed, they would’ve refused to let me help, and I wouldn’t have figured out what I wanted. You trusted me. And then you let me help with Iris. And none of that stopped me from healing.”

“I didn’t really occur to me to stop you.” Carlos doesn’t just say it because it’s obvious that it’s what TK wants to hear. He says it like it’s the truth. Like it really never occurred to him to stop TK from taking charge when the bus crashed. Like he never thought to not ask for TK’s help when Michelle—his best friend—was lost. And Iris. He trusts TK to help him take care of Iris.

“I didn’t tell my dad about us because I didn’t want him to tell me I shouldn’t keep seeing you,” TK says. Carlos nods and holds his gaze, but he doesn’t interrupt to point out that TK already explained that. “But I knew he wouldn’t force me to stop. I’m an adult. All my rules are things I agree to. He would’ve just said I had to do things that would’ve made you figure out how broken I am, and I didn’t want that to happen. I didn’t want you realize how broken I was and run away from it. But I kept messing up anyway because I was too messed up to hide it and you still never treated me differently.”

When TK pauses to get his breath, he’s not expecting Carlos to say anything, but he does. “Baby, you’re not _broken_ or _messed up_. You have some problems. Everyone has problems. Michelle doesn’t know how live past Iris no matter where Iris is. I can count the times I’ve really cried in the last three years on one hand, and you know that’s not healthy. But somehow you pushed two of those times out of me in only six months.”

TK laughs, and a few tears slip out of his eyes like his body is determined to illustrate Carlos’s point.

“You’re strong and amazing,” Carlos continues. “And the more I find out about everything you struggle with, the more I’m impressed that your first instinct in a scary situation is to run into it and help other people.”

“I love you.” TK says before he can stop himself. Maybe if things had happened differently, he could’ve held it in until he was one hundred percent sure Carlos felt it back. His panic must show on his face because Carlos suddenly rushes to calm it.

“I love you, too. It’s okay. It’s so much more than okay. I love you, too.”

TK laughs. He’s not repeating this story to the squad. Marjan will laugh at him forever if he admits that they said it for the first time crying in bed. When Carlos kisses him, he tastes like coffee and TK just hopes that he’s the same and not something gross.

“Is there _any_ way you’ll have sex with me right now. Because this is so unfair.”

Carlos laughs as he cradles TK’s face in his palm and thumbs away his tears.

“Baby. I love you. I’m not going to do something that might hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for both of us, but I’m going to need you to be out of the hospital for at least a week first.”

TK can’t even hold his pout because Carlos is looking at him with so much open affection and happiness.

“So, are you just going to say it all the time now?”

“Do you not want me to?” The uncertainty on Carlos’s face breaks TK’s heart.

“Of course, I do. I want you to tell me every single time you think it if that’s what you want.”

“Good,” Carlos says, and the smile is back on his face. “Because I’ve wanted to say it so many times, but I wasn’t sure you were ready to hear it.”

“I’m ready. I’m going to whine even more that you won’t have sex with me, but I love you, too.”

***

They get to the camp to see Iris at the same time as Michelle.

“Can I try to talk to her by myself?” Carlos asks while Michelle is still pulling her bag out of the van they recovered a few days ago. “For just a few minutes.”

TK squeezes his hand and nods. As much as he loves being able to support Carlos, he _is_ going to go back to work eventually, and he knows Carlos wants to be able to spend time with Iris alone. A few minutes is a good start. If it goes badly, Carlos won’t be completely alone. TK just thought it was going to be a few more days before he wanted to try.

“I might be a little jealous she’s taking you back from me already, but I’m just going to get it out of you later,” Michelle says with a smile TK doesn’t understand, but it makes Carlos smile and duck his head.

“I’m missing something, right?” TK asks. Carlos just shrugs and gives him a quick kiss before turning toward Iris’s tent and leaving him with Michelle.

“They can’t talk about you if you’re there,” Michelle says with a grin as she leads him to the first of the people she wants to check on. “And you’re both clearly _glowing_. If you cheated on the no sex rule, you might want to get your faces under control before you see your dad or Judd.”

“We didn’t.” TK can’t help pausing to watch as Carlos stops at Iris’s tent. He waits until Carlos crawls inside before looking away.

“Remind me it’s unethical to give her medicine by putting them in the food she gets from him.”

“I’m not letting either of you do that,” TK says immediately. He _does_ understand why they hate going through the struggle of trying to get her to take meds that might help her. But there are lines.

“I know. We both know. If she agrees to it, it’ll be for him,” Michelle says. “They were always so protective of each other—while they both swore up and down that they didn’t need protecting, of course. Whenever I’m here without you, all she does is ask me about you and if I think you’re good enough for him.”

“Should I worry?” Michelle has been good at staying out of their relationship, put she’s definitely given him some pointed looks when things weren’t going as well.

“You’re hard to dislike, Strand.”

***

TK lets Michelle open the flap to the tent first. As curious as he is, he _does_ understand Carlos’s need to talk about him. He’s already driven Paul crazy with texts this morning, and he’s impatient for his crew to have a night out that he can join because he just misses his friends.

Nothing goes wrong, but they still can’t talk Iris into leaving the camp again. Michelle seems to accept it easier than Carlos. Maybe because she’s been in and out of the camps more often.

They go back to Carlos’s house first so that he can shower and change.

“If you want some time with just your dad, I get it,” Carlos tells TK when he gets out of the shower.

“Maybe a little,” TK admits. “But I want to be with you more. Though he’s going to hint like a weirdo that I should stay with you when he works tomorrow, so if _you_ want some space, today will be better. Not that you _have_ to babysit me…”

“I know you don’t want him to worry,” Carlos says before TK starts to worry too much. “And I won’t be able to see you as much when school starts again, so I want to see you now.”

Maybe they should take a break from each other, but they _did_ just say _I love you_ in the morning. TK will take a day apart after his dad’s next shift.


	8. Chapter 8

**Carlos:** I hate you.  
**Michelle:** Why specifically?  
**Carlos:** You shouldn’t be texting my boyfriend’s dad pictures of us and talking about how cute we are.  
**Michelle:** He worries about TK! He told you?  
**Carlos:** He and TK don’t have normal boundaries. He sent TK the picture. On the upside, TK’s lockscreen is no longer the weird picture of me sleeping on him when he’s in a coma.  
**Michelle:** See. It worked out.  
**Carlos:** I’m not saying you can’t be friends with him, but I need boundaries somewhere and I’m not going to tell them to put boundaries back up with each other. Just ask me if you want to send him something?  
**Michelle:** Fair. Lunch on Monday and we can discuss?  
**Carlos:** Deal.

***

“I promise I’m not telling my dad actual details,” TK says when they’re in bed. “I know that would bother you. And if I tell him anything that you think is too much, you should tell me.”

“You’re not,” Carlos says as he cuddles into TK’s side and wraps his arm about TK’s waist. He knows that maybe it’s because the relationship is new, but he just wants to be touching TK all the time. “I know you’re not telling him details. I’m just not used to being this open. My family knows I’m gay. They have for a long time. They even know about you now. But they kind of talk around it. My sisters are better. They’ll call you my boyfriend, and they’ve been teasing me about how gorgeous you are. It’s become of thing.”

TK’s hand comes up to tangle in his hair. Carlos can hear the smile in TK’s voice when he asks, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Carlos says with a smile. “And my mom _does_ like you. She thinks I should talk you into being a paramedic and not a firefighter, but that’s just because she doesn’t want me to worry and she loves Michelle. She doesn’t actually have a problem with it.”

“I feel like there’s a _but_ implied here.” TK presses a soft kiss on his hairline.

“It’s not you. And it’s not like they think I’m going to change my mind and start dating women. They _know_ what you are to me. But yeah, they just call you my _friend_. Even though it’s not like they’re really pretending we’re just friends. When my mom says she told my grandmother I have a new ‘friend,’ and I should call her because she wants to hear it from me, it’s not like anyone thinks they’re that interested in me making a new friend. Sometimes I push it and I make a point to call you my _boyfriend_. But it never gets anywhere so sometimes I just let it go—not that I deny it. I never call you my friend. I just use your name and don’t always bother to correct them.”

“I’m sorry it’s like that,” TK says.

“Thanks,” Carlos says. He closes his eyes and enjoys the feel of TK’s fingers in his hair. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep things from your dad just because I’m not used to it. I know it’s healthier. Iris would say it’s good for me to get used to it.”

“Can I ask about your dad?” TK asks gently.

“Can I ask about your mom?” Carlos is worried about how it’s going to go, but TK just laughs.

“Sure. I should warn you anyway that she claims she’s coming to visit as soon as she finishes whatever business she’s got with this account or whatever. She’s going to want to meet you. You don’t _have_ to meet her. You can conveniently go out of town if you want.”

“You don’t think she’ll like me?” Carlos knew it was a possibility. TK clearly doesn’t have the relationship with her that he has with his dad.

“No, no,” TK says quickly. “She already loves you. Seriously. She really does. She’s in disbelief that I suddenly ‘found someone educated with a responsible life plan.’ My dad sent her that picture he took when you were wearing glasses. I told her you were starting classes next week because you’re working on getting your master’s degree, and she practically started planning a wedding. She’s going to try to interrogate you like a lawyer anyway, but she likes you. She just does that with everyone.”

TK doesn’t say it, but it’s hard to not hear the implications.

“Parents are weird,” Carlos says. “My dad won’t really acknowledge that you’re my boyfriend, but he likes that you’re a firefighter and you don’t have a woman’s job like me.”  
TK laughs softly and pokes his chest. “He’s going to be really disappointed if he’s hoping to get someone like Judd.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m used to it,” Carlos says. “There’s not really a way for you to win with him because he just doesn’t really want me to be gay. He’d be disappointed if you were more masculine, too. He wants me to at least ‘be the man in the situation.’”

TK rolls his eyes, but he says, “If it helps, I don’t really care if you tell him you are. I know I’m lucky my parents don’t care about that stuff. Though I could have done without my dad telling me that ‘my mother taught him to be open to experimenting with non-traditional roles’ so I should be comfortable asking him questions.”

Carlos has no idea how to reply to that.

“Yeah,” TK says when Carlos just stares at him. “I’m okay knowing my parents have sex. For that one, I got up and left the room.”

Carlos chuckles and turns his head to kiss TK’s chest. He hasn’t dated as much as he feels like most people his age have, but he’s never had this kind of comfortable close conversation. Maybe it’s because they’re forced to get through this stage where their relationship is new and exciting without having sex. He misses sex, but he doesn’t hate the results.

“My mom really doesn’t care that I’m gay and I know I’m lucky with that,” TK says with distant tone even though his fingers keep playing with Carlos’s curls. “She’s just never been able to deal with me being an addict. She hates that I have a hard time controlling it, and she thinks it’s just careless and irresponsible. She hates that I went to the fire academy instead of going to college. She hates that I moved in with my dad after I overdosed when I was fifteen because he handled it better. Maybe it wasn’t fair, but he gave me what I needed, and she wanted to just send me off even then. But also, as an adult, I get that it must have hurt her because it’s not like she was going to send me away forever. It was six weeks. I heard her tell my dad once that she had to be the bad guy for six years while he was barely even a parent, and now she’s always the bad guy just because she thinks taking the time to do inpatient rehab is a better plan. She’s not wrong about it not being fair.”

“Maybe,” Carlos says. “But she’s not right either. I know I’m biased because I have other reasons for being glad your dad brought you down here, but you said he listened to what you wanted first. And even if he took too long to do that, he did it when you needed him to. Besides, I love you a lot, but did you really make it totally easy on him when you were fifteen? Because you lied and snuck out of the house to have sex when you were twenty-six…”

TK’s chest shakes under his cheek when he laughs.

“What? You don’t believe I was an angel as a teenager?” TK looks up at him with puppy eyes and a pout Carlos doesn’t believe at all.

“He mentioned I’m not the first teacher you showed interested in,” Carlos tells him and TK groans and covers his face with his hand. “In his defense, he told you to wake up if you didn’t want him to tell me that.”

“I feel like I need a _both_ of you to give me a recap of everything you talked about when I couldn’t defend myself,” TK says with a fond smile. “But I guess he could’ve said I lot worse. I definitely got my revenge for when he wasn’t around. And honestly, he knew I was hiding something this time. After he found out about you, he couldn’t believe I was hiding something so _good_. He literally said that. Both my parents did. I hid the first guy they both like. My mom says I’m determined to rebel for no reason. I swear she forgets I’m an adult.”

“I want to meet her if you want me to. I can handle an interrogation. I’m expecting Judd to get around to something more specific eventually.”

“Absolutely not. He’s not doing some kind of weird chauvinist shovel talk. At least with my mom, that’s just how she talks to almost everyone. Judd tried to stalk you online and it didn’t it didn’t work. My mom just does it across the board with everyone I mention. Marjan is her favorite, but I don’t think you should be offended by that. My dad is terrified of them bonding.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of makes me want to write teenage terror TK.


	9. Chapter 9

Carlos knows it’s stupid that he doesn’t want to leave TK the morning his dad comes home from work. They’ve barely left each other’s space for five days and Carlos still doesn’t want to take TK home so that he can spend time with his father.

“I don’t want leave you either,” TK says when Carlos continues to kiss him in the car instead of letting him get out. “But I think Michelle will kill me if I steal you completely. And we both have things we have to do.”

“I know,” Carlos kisses him again before adding. “Text me and tell me how things go with the doctor?”

“I promise.”

TK kisses him again before getting out of the car. Carlos can’t help watching him until he’s inside the house even if TK looks back and laughs at him when he sees Carlos hasn’t pulled out of his driveway.

***

“Are you even going to be away from him twenty-four hours or are you going to climb in his bedroom window tonight?” Michelle says when she sits down at the picnic table with her food. “It’s very cute that you miss him so much, but I think you both need at least one day apart. Have you even bought your books for class? Not that I agree with the way you usually do all your reading before your classes even start, but you’re a little old to flunk your classes because you got a boyfriend.”

“I’m getting my books today,” Carlos says not even caring when she laughs and says that he’s picked up rolling his eyes from TK.

“It’s really nice to see you happy.”

“So you’ve decided you like him again, now?” Carlos asks.

Michelle sighs and takes a bite of her food before looking at him purposely.

“I always liked him. You know that. I wouldn’t have been able to be professional with him at work if I didn’t like him as person. And I _know_ he tried to remind you over and over that he needed some time before getting into a relationship. But _both_ of you were determined to ignore all logic and fall for each other anyway. He has people on his side. You needed someone in your corner, too.”

Carlos nods. He gets it. He does. But Michelle knows how much he can’t help wanting to protect everyone he loves even if it’s from each other.

“I know you need more friends. We both do. I’ve been saying that for a year. I just wasn’t expecting you to start with my boyfriend’s dad,” Carlos says.

“I’ll check with you before saying anything about you. But in my defense, TK _did_ just get out of the hospital, and I don’t think his dad would be as cool with him just disappearing completely with his new boyfriend if he didn’t like you so much. And even then, he worries when he hasn’t seen TK in three days,” Michelle says with teasing smile that says she’s really letting them both off easy.

***

**TK:** My doctor says I’m healing like I should be, and everything is fine. 😁  
 **Carlos:** Good.  
 **TK:** My dad says I have to tell you I still can’t engage in strenuous activity. Which is just rude because it’s not like I’ve lied about it. I just think we could try having less strenuous sex and I’ll probably be fine.  
 **Carlos:** Did you ask about that?  
 **TK:** It’s “not advised.” It’s probably not going to kill me though.  
 **Carlos:** Babe, I love you. I don’t want to hurt you. We can wait until we’re sure you’re okay.  
 **TK:** I know. I knew you were going to say that. 🥺

***

**Carlos:** [picture message]  
 **TK:** How do you make a stack of textbooks sexy?  
 **Carlos:** I think you’re just sexually frustrated.  
 **TK:** I assure you that a lot of people have noticed that.  
 **Carlos:** I’m sorry.  
 **TK:** I know. I’m sorry if I making you feel bad about it. I’m complaining because I’m frustrated but if you were hurt, I’d be telling you we had to wait too.  
 **Carlos:** It’s okay. Continue to complain if it helps.  
 **TK:** lol. Thanks.  
 **TK:** …so what else are you doing tonight?  
 **Carlos:** Just school stuff.  
 **TK:** Is that purposely vague for a reason?  
 **Carlos:** It’s just probably boring.  
 **TK:** You still have 3 days before you start. You got your books. What is there to do?  
 **Carlos:** I like to read in advance so I’m extra prepared?  
 **TK:** Were you that kid you got excited about new school supplies at the beginning of the year? 🤓  
 **Carlos:** sort of?  
 **TK:** Sort of? Uh huh.  
 **Carlos:** We never really got fancy ones with three kids. Now I can buy more expensive pens and notebooks. So…I’m the adult the gets excited about my new school supplies.  
 **TK:** I’m sorry. But also, I’m glad you get them now and it’s very cute that you’re excited about them.  
 **Carlos:** I know it’s dumb. Iris made fun of me when we were roommates.  
 **TK:** It’s adorable. Even if my parents are going to make fun of me because I’m finally dating the guy they would have loved for me to date in high school.  
 **Carlos:** Sorry? I also played football in high school so that’s cooler.  
 **TK:** If I tell my mom that she’ll start talking about head injuries and she’s not wrong. I prefer your brain not smashing against your skull, so I have to agree with her on this one.  
 **Carlos:** Is it bad that I’m kind of wanting to introduce your mom to my dad? Might be fun to watch…  
 **TK:** You know, she can be amazing. One of my teachers tried to be like, “It’s not offensive that I think gay people are going to hell. It’s my personal opinion,” once. My mom went to the school and he barely finished the year after that. 😆   
**Carlos:** I like her already now.  
 **TK:** My dad and I are having dinner with Zoe tonight so I can embarrass my dad back for everything he told you. She’s the head of the psychology department at UT. Apparently the hot nerds were just in Texas. Though my dad has always dated really hot smart women.  
 **TK:** OMG Am I turning into my dad? Am I going to become obsessed with my hair and skincare when I’m old?! 😱 😱

***

**TK:** So, you can totally say no, but Paul says I’m being stupid and I should tell you that I want you come sleep with me.  
 **Carlos:** I can do that.  
 **TK:** You don’t have to.  
 **Carlos:** I want to, but I didn’t want to ask.  
 **TK:** Well then, I don’t want to sleep alone. Please come cuddle me. 🤗

***

TK is already dressed in sweatpants and a thin t-shirt when he lets Carlos in the house.

“You know you don’t have to wear real clothes just to come sleep with me—though I’ll enjoy watching you change.” TK says as he pulls Carlos in the house and into his arms.

“I didn’t know if Zoe was still here.” Carlos might be ready to let Owen see him in clothes he would sleep in, but he’s never met Owen’s girlfriend.

“Oh. Yeah, she’s still here. They’re probably having sex. I told my dad they had to be quiet because it’s not fair that we can’t drown out their sex noises with our own, but it’s not like he was great at that when I was a teenager. Or even a kid. That was probably my mom’s fault though. She’s worse.”

Carlos just shakes his head. He can’t imagine his parents being so open about sex, but maybe if they were, coming out to them wouldn’t have been such a big deal.

“Sorry,” TK says as he leads Carlos to his room. “I probably should’ve come to you, but they’re on a whole different floor, and not directly above me, so ideally it’s far enough away.”

“It’s not a big deal. I _did_ live in a dorm for a couple years,” Carlos says because it’s not _his_ dad.

It’s still a bit early to sleep and TK’s gradually stopped needing extra sleep, but it’s still so nice to cuddle up in bed with him. It’s ridiculous that Carlos missed him so much in a day, but they won’t always have so much time to spend together, so as long as TK is willing, Carlos is going to enjoy it.

“So…” TK says when they’re lying on their sides facing each other because they need to take a break from kissing if they’re not going to cross into strenuous activity. “Can I ask you about something?”

“You can always ask me anything.” Months ago, he might have said that he couldn’t promise he’d want to answer, but now Carlos just wants TK to _know_ him as much as TK wants to.

“So Iris said that thing about you tying me up. Is that a thing you’re into?”

“It is,” Carlos says with a smile. “If it’s something you want. With stuff like that, I’m into if you are, but not really if you’re not. So, it’s kind of pointless if you’re not into it, but I kind of suspected you might be. Though that’s _not_ happening until you’re completely better. I don’t want you to pull on restraints and hurt yourself.”

TK pouts, but he doesn’t argue.

“You know…” Carlos says as he brushes his thumb over TK’s pout. “We can’t have sex or really do anything with bondage, but if you want to, we can try some non-sexual submission if there’s something you like that’s safe enough.”

TK’s gaze drops and the blush on his cheeks is adorable, but Carlos really doesn’t want to push this if he’s uncomfortable.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I got the idea that you might be into it, but if I was wrong, it’s not something I need. I meant what I said. If you just want me to tie you up, that’s fine. I’m into that.”

It would be a lot easier to believe if TK didn’t respond so strongly to certain things, but Carlos has kept them under control so far. He still kind of wants to talk to TK about aftercare just in case they go a little too far, but that’s not as serious.

“No. I want to. It’s just….did you figure out I was into it before Iris said something?”

Carlos wouldn’t be good at taking a dominant role if he wasn’t careful with his sub, but he didn’t expect this conversation to feel delicate so quickly—especially after TK brought it up on his own. Then again, lots of couples probably try some light bondage without thinking too much about it.

“Are you okay with talking about this?” Carlos asks.

“I just didn’t realize it was obvious.”

“It’s not _obvious_ ,” Carlos says gently. “I had an ex who was into it, so I kind of knew what to look for, but I that doesn’t mean it’s obvious to people who aren’t in the position to find out. And I meant what I said. I’ve dated one guy who was into it. I’ve dated other guys since where it’s never come up. It’s not something we have to do.”

TK takes a deep breath and after he lets it out, he’s a lot more relaxed.

“Have you had a bad experience?” Carlos hates asking, but he doesn’t want to bring up trauma later when TK’s more vulnerable.

“No,” TK says quickly. “Not like you’re probably thinking. I’ve just never dated a guy who was into it, and my last boyfriend thought it was really weird when I brought it up. He wasn’t mean or anything. He just thought it was weird, and he didn’t really understand it. And _obviously_ , I wasn’t going to make him do something he didn’t want to do, so I dropped it.” TK shrugs like he’s suddenly realized he rambled more than he meant to.

“Eventually we should do a checklist so we _both_ know what we’re into, but I won’t think you’re weird. I’m not going to judge you. And we can do it however you’re most comfortable.”

TK nods, “Okay. I’ve done stuff like that before, it just never really worked out. I couldn’t get comfortable with someone I wasn’t dating and no one I’ve dated wanted to do more than just really tame stuff.”

“Okay.” Carlos forces himself not to react to the implication that TK hasn’t really submitted to anyone before. He meant it when he said he was fine without it, but apparently there’s an old-fashioned part of him that likes the idea of being first with something. But even if TK says that his ex wasn’t bad about it, he clearly shamed TK enough to make him shy in a way that’s different from how forward he’s been about sex so far.

Carlos gently guides TK into his arms.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize this wasn’t as easy for you to talk about as I thought it would be, but I wouldn’t have brought it up if I was going to judge you, okay?”

“Yeah. I know. I don’t think I thought it would feel like a big deal either, so it’s not your fault. I don’t know why I got weird,” TK whispers, but he gradually relaxes as Carlos traces lazy patterns on his back and shoulder.

“Want me to read to you?” Carlos asks, because it’s late and he wants to give TK some time to process everything.

“You brought the book?”

“It’s my favorite book. I bought the ebook before I liked it so much that I bought a hardcopy, so it’s on my phone,” Carlos admits.

“You’re such a nerd,” TK laughs and turns to kiss his chest before moving to turn off the main light while Carlos gets his phone and finds where they left off.

“Since when do you sleep in a shirt?” TK asks and starts pushing it off like he often does when they cuddle.

“Since I’m _trying_ to keep things PG with my very hot injured boyfriend,” Carlos says, but he strips it off before letting TK snuggle back into his arms.

“Are you done?” Carlos asks when TK spends longer than necessary shifting to get comfortable.

TK smirks and makes a show of shifting around more before settling down again in the exact same position with his head on Carlos’s chest. “Okay. I’m good now.”

Carlos kisses his forehead and explains, “This section is e-mails. The subject is ‘You are a dark sorcerer.’ It’s from Henry to Alex.”

“ _Alex, I can’t think of a single other way to start this email except to say, and I do hope you will forgive both my language and my utter lack of restraint: you are so fucking beautiful._ ”

Carlos pauses and leans down to kiss TK’s forehead again. “You know that’s what I said to Michelle about you after the night we danced together the first time. Well, I left out the ‘fucking’ part. But I told her you were so beautiful.”

“No one’s ever called me beautiful,” TK says with a smile.

“To your face. I’m sure I’m not the first person to say it behind your back.” Carlos puts his phone down so he can trail his fingers down TK’s jaw. “You’re so beautiful. I think that every time I look at you.”

It’s too dim to see TK’s blush, but the way he goes shy and turns his face into Carlos’s chest tells Carlos it’s there.

Carlos picks up his phone to read again and makes a mental note to compliment TK a little more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, because I couldn’t make Carlos say it because he’s protective of TK and has his own mind: I don’t actually think Alex abused TK. Obviously, I’m not excusing his actions, but I think it’s more likely that they weren’t compatible and they weren’t on the same page. And Dom/sub stuff isn’t for everyone and can sound weird to people. And TK’s a sensitive person who might take rejection of an idea as a personal rejection even if someone isn't harsh.
> 
> (Also, I think it’s not a good idea to write a black man as being abusive and violent to a white partner when there is no canon evidence of abuse so I want to make it clear I’m not doing that.)


	10. Chapter 10

Carlos wakes up alone, but he can hear TK’s voice.

“We’ll probably go back to his house, but we might go see Iris. I don’t know. Michelle said she didn’t let them to visit yesterday, so we might not. But I’m not going to be alone, so you don’t need to check on me every hour,” TK’s saying in low voice. When Carlos opens his eyes, TK’s standing with his back to Carlos in the open doorway with the door open just a little to block the view of his dad on the other side. It’s sweet that they’re purposely respecting Carlos’s privacy while he’s sleeping even though they don’t have very many boundaries from each other.

Carlos pulls TK’s pillow into his arms as he rolls over onto his stomach. It still smells like him. As much as he likes the convenience of being at his own house, he might prefer TK’s bed. He closes his eyes and smiles as he listens to TK saying goodbye to his father before closing the door.

Carlos sighs happily when TK sits on the bed and starts pressing kisses to his bare back.

“How are you so gorgeous?” TK asks. “I want to post this picture to my Instagram to brag but I also don’t want to share it with everyone.”

Carlos laughs.

“Only if you lock it to your close friends on a story.”

“Noted,” TK says against his skin as he kisses down Carlos’s back. Carlo rolls over onto his side and pulls him up before he can get carried away. TK sighs dramatically but he smiles when he lies down next to him.

“Question?” TK asks.

“Coffee?”

TK laughs and turns around to pick up a mug from the bedside table.

“Sorry. It’s mine. One of us has to get up for you to get your own because you were still sleeping when my dad texted me to see if I was awake.”

Carlos has never been into espresso and TK laughs at the face he makes.

“I can get you coffee.”

Carlos stops him from getting up because even if it’s stupid, he’d rather share TK’s espresso than let him go.

“Okay. You had a question?” Carlos asks after a couple more sips.

“I promise that there’s not really a wrong answer. I’m just curious,” TK says, waiting until Carlos nods before continuing. “Did you stop me because you’ve decided that the sex rule includes _everything_ even if it’s just something I’m doing for you, because you’re not into sex until you’re fully awake, or something else?”

“Mostly the first one.”

“Mostly?” TK asks. “It’s really fine either way. I think you’ve noticed I prefer bottoming almost all the time. If your ass is off-limits, it’s not a big deal at all.”

“It’s not. Not for you. It’s just been a long time, so I need some warning to be comfortable. And you’d have to go really slow.”

“Okay…but I’m not going to be into it if you’re just doing it because I want to, but you don’t like it. I mean, I didn’t really have any specific intentions just now. Just so you know, I would’ve double checked with you before just continuing with my mouth. Your back isn’t a view I get in bed a lot. Your ass just looked so good that I wanted touch.”

Carlos laughs because he understands that in theory. He’s made no secret about how he lets his hands wander to TK’s ass whenever he has an opportunity. As soon as he was sure that TK didn’t mind it, he started taking advantage of his open permission to feel, grab and squeeze as much as he wants. Adding the option for slapping and spanking is only going to make it worse.

“It’s not that. You’d be able to get me into it. You’d just have to work for it and be really patient because it’s been a few years.”

“Years?”

“I haven’t had a lot of time to date since I finished college. And when I have, it’s never been something that really worked out for more than a couple months.” Carlos can feel himself blushing as he says, “It’s not something I’m comfortable doing with just anyone, and I have some limits that are different than yours. If I’m not comfortable with someone, then I’m not going to ask for it even if I’m in the mood…but I’m comfortable with you.”

TK leans in for a long, tender kiss.

“Noted. Advanced warning and taking my time. And be aware of your limits.”

“And doctor approval,” Carlos reminds him. TK groans, but he doesn’t argue.

***

Michelle thinks that it’s better to give Iris some space and Carlos can tell TK agrees, so Carlos takes TK to the big farmer’s market in Republic Square.

“This can’t be where you normally shop,” TK says as soon as he realizes it’s more than just produce booths.

“You’re not wrong, but I thought you might like it. I’ll take you to the smaller one I usually go to next week if you want. Fair warning. I also only come here a couple times in the summer because it’s near my school district.”

TK grins.

“Does that mean you might get attacked by children like a celebrity?”

Carlos laughs. “Depends on the kid and their parents. But yeah. Even the kids who don’t love me get excited to see teachers outside of school. Especially at this age and in the summer.”

“Does that mean no PDA?”

Carlos switches the reusable shopping bags to his other hand so he can thread their fingers together.

“Don’t try to make out with me, but it’s not a secret that I’m gay. I only limit what I say about my personal life because it’s a weird thing to discuss with kids in general if it’s not serious. They will 100% ask if you’re my boyfriend, but that’s fine as long as you’re okay with it.”

“I’m okay with it,” TK says and steps closer to bump their shoulders together.

“Also, I should maybe warn you that my co-workers think you were already my boyfriend when you were in the hospital. I had to explain that I might leave quickly if something happened, and I wasn’t going to tell my boss that I was sleeping with this guy and I had no idea what it was. That just seemed awkward.”

Carlos knows it’s not going to be a dealbreaker now, but he still feels better when TK squeezes his hand and says, “That’s fair. And it doesn’t matter anyway. It’s only a week and it’s not like I was seeing anyone else anyway. When I explained it to my dad, he said, ‘So he’s your boyfriend but he doesn’t know it?’”

Carlos laughs and pulls him closer so Carlos can kiss his cheek.

“It _was_ nice of you to let me in on it.”

It’s not until TK asks, “You didn’t think I was sleeping around, did you?” that Carlos realizes TK hasn’t just moved on from the thought.

Carlos pulls him out of the crowd so they’re not holding up the foot traffic.

“I didn’t know,” Carlos says honestly. “but I was pretty sure that if you were seeing other guys, what we had was something more and I could probably be the one you kept when you were ready. I didn’t love the idea, but I tried to just think of it as a competition that I was clearly winning. And maybe I did go out of my way to try to keep you satisfied enough that maybe you wouldn’t bother going anywhere else. Which probably isn’t that healthy, but I _won_ , so it worked out.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t, and I should’ve told you. I had one hookup after the first time we hooked up, but that was after I’d messed things up and left so I was sure you wouldn’t even want to talk to me again. Which probably makes it worse that I called you to pick me up from that bar after that.”

“Hey,” Carlos holds TK’s face in his hands to stop his spiral. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t think either of us thought it would work out then. But I’m so, so glad you called me that night. And that you let me get to know you after that. Maybe it would’ve been easier if I’d known you weren’t seeing anyone else, but it’s okay. It doesn’t matter now.”

Carlos has to pull him into a kiss even though he’s usually a bit picky with PDA. Words are important, but nothing calms TK like touch, and sure enough, TK smiles back at him when they pull away.

“And you told me I wasn’t allowed to make out with you,” TK says through his smile. Carlos pushes him gently back into the crowd with a laugh, but he doesn’t let go of TK’s hand. He pulls TK to one of food trucks and after getting food for lunch, they lay out a blanket on the grass so that they can eat before shopping.

“My dad says he’s happy to see you’re making me complain less about not being able to work,” TK says after they’ve finished eating and he checks his phone. Normally, Carlos would eat quickly and only walk around for a few minutes before getting his shopping done. But they don’t have anywhere specific to be, so he’s content to lie on the blanket shoulder to shoulder with TK and be lazy as long as they have enough shade.

“My younger sister is impressed that I’m actually enjoying part of my break instead of already worrying about next year. Also, she wants your phone number, but she won’t tell me why, so I told her no. She said something about how you should have her number if something happens to me, but Michelle has my mom’s number and you have Michelle’s number, so that’s a lie.”

“Should I be worried?” TK asks. He’s been idly playing with Carlos’s hand with both of his own, and Carlos didn’t realize how much it was relaxing him until TK paused.

“She’s home from college and I haven’t had a boyfriend that I told them about since my junior year of college. She probably wants to text you all my embarrassing old pictures. I had a very long awkward stage.”

 _Of course_ , that makes TK pick up his phone. Carlos steals it out of his hand and holds it away from him when he tries to grab for it.

“What if my dad gets worried?”

“Then I will tell him you were trying to text Michelle to get her to give your number to my sister so she can embarrass me, and he’ll probably start sending me embarrassing pictures of you,” Carlos says.

TK just shrugs. “He’ll do that tomorrow if you ask him. I don’t know where he unpacked my baby book, but I was really cute. He has a picture of me in his turnout coat and his helmet from when I was a kid. It’s his favorite.”

“You’re one of those annoying people who never had an awkward phase, aren’t you?” Carlos asks with a sigh. Of course, TK was always this cute. He had multiple boyfriends in high school and enough confidence to flirt with his student teachers.

“I mean, I was also sober when all my friends were turning 21. That was awkward.”

“Drinking until you throw up just because it’s legal is overrated anyway.”

“Can I have my phone back?”

“After I tell Michelle not to let my sisters get your number.”

TK pouts, but he lets Carlos text Michelle instead of arguing.

“You know I’m just going to think you were cute, right?” TK says. “I love you. I’ll think you were a cute kid no matter what.”

Carlos isn’t ready to give his sister TK’s number, but maybe he’ll get some pictures from his mom. She’s a lot more likely to pick nice ones and not find a picture of him on the toilet. Maybe he’ll agree to a lot of things if TK keeps saying _I love you_ and looking at him like that. Carlos pulls on TK’s shirt until TK turns and leans over him for a kiss.

Which is naturally the exact second that he hears a familiar voice call _Mr. Reyes!_

TK pulls back with an awkward laugh. At least Carlos knows her parents aren’t going to get homophobic. Sure enough, when he sits up, Lizzie is pulling on her father’s hand while he tries to slow her down. Her other dad is trailing behind them with her brother. Carlos waves so they know he doesn’t mind the interruption.

Lizzie races for him as soon as she’s released and runs into his arms for a hug. He’s always careful about not hugging the kids too much, but they’re young enough that it’s a process to teach them boundaries and timing. And it’s just unrealistic to think that none of them will ever get hurt and need comfort. With Lizzie, he’s spent enough time with her in their after-school program that he knows it’s not a problem.

“Sorry,” Johnathon Epps says with an apologetic smile when he catches up. Carlos has only met him a few times. He travels a lot, so it’s usually Eric picking the kids up and coming to smaller school events. Carlos always kind of forgets how big he is even though he knows Lizzie’s dad was a professional athlete years ago. He played a sport Carlos never watches and he didn’t make a big deal about coming out after he retired, so Carlos can honestly say he wouldn’t have any idea who he was if his daughter didn’t brag about him so much.

“It’s okay,” Carlos says just as Lizzie turns to TK and recognizes him. She has way better recall than Carlos expected because she says his name immediately.

“He fixed my head!” Lizzie explains before her parents can ask why she knows the man her teacher is with.

“I’m a firefighter. We beat EMS to the call,” TK explains.

“My friend Michelle works with him. That’s how I met him again. I didn’t ask him out that day,” Carlos explains quickly because he doesn’t want them to think he wasn’t focused on Lizzie when she in his care.

“We’d never think you weren’t doing your job,” Eric says gently, “This is the first year we didn’t get a call from school every single week.”

Lizzie saves him by pulling back everyone’s attention again when she pushes back her hair to show TK her forehead, frowns and says, “There’s no scar!”

“I’m sorry?” TK says with a questioning look.

“She wanted a scar,” Eric says with fond exasperation. “Like her papa.”

TK laughs as Johnathon kneels down next to Lizzie turns his head to display the scar on the left side of his head.

“He got hit with a puck!” Lizzie tells them. It’s slight, but Carlos catches the moment TK recognizes Johnathon even though he tries to hide it.

“Hockey fan?” Johnathon asks, which just makes Lizzie tell TK that she plays hockey and her dad is the best.

TK laughs and says he’s aware with a hint of annoyance that just makes Johnathon laugh.

“You ruined my first hockey game in the last three seconds when I was eight,” TK explains.

Eric laughs. Johnathon tilts his head like he’s thinking and asks, “Three seconds?”

“Two point eight.”

“Rangers fan,” Johnathon says immediately. “I’m not going to pretend I’m sorry. We barely made the play-offs that year and we needed the points. Thanks for being professional and patching up my daughter anyway.”

TK says he would never take it out on Lizzie as she leans forward and whispers that next time she wants to have a scar.

“I’m sorry,” TK says as if they’re having an actual serious conversation. “It’s definitely against the rules to make someone have a scar on purpose before they’re eighteen.”

“But I want to be like my papa,” Lizzie says with a pout.

“I know. I can understand that,” TK says with a smile.

***

“She’s my favorite,” TK says after Lizzie’s parents talk her into letting them leave. Eric offered to get them tickets to a game in the fall in exchange for interrupting their date. Carlos told him that he’s not sure he’s even allowed to accept a big gift, but after Eric reminded him it’s minor league tickets, he gave in. TK’s going to have to explain what’s going on the whole game.

“Even though her dad ruined your first hockey game?” Carlos teases.

TK shrugs. “It wasn’t a big deal because he was retired already, but after I heard he was gay, it kind of seemed appropriate. I had no idea he was coaching the Texas Stars now. I just lost track of him.”

“Eric told me at a conference that was why he took the job. People down here almost never know who he is because hockey isn’t very big.”

“I know,” TK says as he rolls his eyes. “Judd thought my New York Rangers shirt so some kind of weird custom Texas Rangers shirt someone bought me as a joke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm going a little crazy on updates right now. I wrote a lot while I didn't have internet and between both sites, I'm regularly posting 5 stories. My brain needs this to be editing closer to where I'm writing.


	11. Chapter 11

Carlos _is_ disappointed that they can’t have sex yet, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate recovering from the afternoon sun with a quick shower and TK cuddled close to him for a nap. He wakes up first and uses the time to do some research.

Carlos isn’t sure how to reopen the conversation about their sexual interests again. TK’s almost always so open with sex that Carlos never expected him to get shy so quickly when Carlos brought up submission. He even asked Carlos how he felt about bottoming first thing in the morning.

But TK was so sweet and careful as soon as he realized Carlos might not be completely comfortable with it. It makes Carlos want to do this the right way.

If TK was like the previous boyfriend Carlos dominated, Carlos might just leave it until TK brought it up again. Lance hadn’t pushed Carlos into anything when he’d brought it up, but he’d brought it up early in the relationship because it was important for him to have. Carlos hadn’t even been sure that he’d be able to do it and he’d been even more surprised that he liked it. They’d had to compromise on some things because Carlos wanted to have sex without it sometimes and their kinks didn’t match up perfectly, but it worked well enough. The relationship itself just wasn’t enough to make it after Lance graduated and moved away. And Carlos didn’t mind it when his next boyfriend wasn’t interested.

But the times they had vanilla sex, Carlos never felt like Lance would go into subspace without Carlos trying. He needed specific things and actions. Carlos had to work to get him there. With TK, even though he says that he’s never really gotten there, Carlos has to wonder if he’s gotten close to it without his partner noticing and then struggled through subdrop without understanding what was going on. The one time Carlos felt like he had to pull them back, he’d tried to make sure TK felt cared for just in case. But if he hadn’t recognized it or TK had gotten upset and left quickly, it could’ve gone badly. It might even be why TK reflexively has negative feelings about it even if he doesn’t know. _That’s_ the one thing that makes Carlos grateful about having the experience with Lance. It taught him to pay a lot more attention to his partner’s likes and dislikes. It taught him to really talk to his partner even in vanilla relationships instead of just assuming they were okay because they seemed okay.

So, Carlos doesn’t want to ignore it and hope it turns out okay. Also, Carlos knows that a lot of what he gets out of sex in general is pleasing his partner. If TK had said he wasn’t interested, Carlos would just explain his concerns and ask TK if there was anything else that he needed after sex got extra intense. But that’s not what happened, so Carlos sits on the bed with his laptop to make a checklist that’s appropriate for them and then fills it out while TK is still napping.

It’s another half hour before TK moves and cuddles against him as he starts to wake up. It usually takes a few minutes before he’s functioning. Carlos is going miss watching him wake up if he starts to wake up first again after he’s healed. Now, he enjoys the way TK smiles and snuggles as Carlos runs his hand through TK’s hair.

“Should I ask?” Carlos asks after TK finds his phone and makes a face at what he sees on the screen.

“My dad’s being stupid and worrying about me. I’m going to tell him you’ve known Johnathon Epps and had his phone number this whole time and you just didn’t care.”

“I don’t have his phone number. I’d have to log in to my school account to find it and I’d definitely get fired if I used it for personal reasons. Should I admit I threw away several papers with his signature while you were in the hospital and I was cleaning out my stuff from last year?”

“He probably signs real stuff differently anyway,” TK says with a shrug. “We’d get actors every once in a while in New York. Everyone’s kind of the same in an emergency after a while. I guess it’s like that for you?”

Carlos laughs and shakes his head.

“Not at all,” he says. “I’ve never met anyone famous. Her dad just isn’t famous here. I didn’t think about it.”

TK puts his phone down and looks at Carlos with such open affection that Carlos doesn’t know how he’ll ever get used to it. “Can I take you to New York one day? I promise I will hold your hand the whole time and tell anyone who tries to be mean to you to fuck off.”

From anyone else it would sound condescending, but there’s no teasing in TK’s tone. It’s clear he remembers Carlos’s insecurity about his confession months ago.

“Okay, but I might actually need you to hold my hand the whole time,” Carlos admits.

TK smiles and laces their fingers together.

“It’s a deal.”

***

Before he starts dinner, Carlos finds the papers he printed out and pulls TK over to the couch.

“Are you giving me homework?” TK asks.

Carlos can’t help making a face.

“Maybe but can we not call it that? I’m very much not into teacher/student roleplay for obvious reasons,” Carlos says.

“Not what I was saying,” TK says with a laugh. “I wasn’t expecting this to be a sex thing. I actually thought maybe you had some kind of school thing you needed help with.”

“Sorry. It’s just that it kind of _is_ a sex thing?”

“It’s a checklist?” TK asks. When Carlos nods, he says. “Okay. I’ve done one before. I tried it with someone I met up with once. But it was awkward. We didn’t end up doing anything because I couldn’t relax.”

“I was thinking about how you seemed a little worried that I’d think you were weird,” Carlos explains. “So I had an idea?”

When TK nods, he continues.

“I filled mine out already while you were asleep. I made two blank copies for you. I think it would be good for you to fill one out before you look at mine. Just so you can really be honest with yourself. And you don’t have to show me that one. You really don’t. Then you can look at mine and if you want to fill out the other one after you see mine so you don’t risk putting anything that I’m not into then you can. And I wrote notes on mine so you can make extra notes on yours if you need to.”

“Notes?” TK asks. He’s barely glanced at the front page.

“I couldn’t find a checklist that was exactly what I wanted online,” Carlos explains. “So I just made one using a list that I got off of one that I got online. I made extra columns because there really _are_ things where I do like them if you’re into it, but if you’re not, I don’t get anything out of it and I’m not interested? I didn’t want you to think I was interested in something because I marked it yellow and then have you try it just for me when I’d be doing the same thing. So, if my interest depends entirely on your interest, I skipped the first column and used the second one. I guess that’s the ‘I’m okay with doing this if you want, but I’m not really _wanting_ it myself’ column.”

TK nods as he scans the instructions.

“You’re really okay with me looking at yours and changing mine if I want to?”

“Are you going to judge me?” Carlos asks.

“Of course not,” TK says quickly. It’s a few moments more before he adds. “It just gives me a lot of power.”

“We’re talking about doing something that will mean you have to trust me when you’re more vulnerable. You should feel like you have control over what you’re open to. If you want to show me the original list later just because you want to or because you changed things that I said I might be into but you weren’t ready to talk about, that’s okay. I _do_ want you to tell me the truth even if it’s something that I don’t want to do because I want you to know that I’m not judging you. I think it might help you feel better. But only if you’re ready.”

TK nods and he leans toward Carlos the way that he sometimes does when he wants comfort but doesn’t feel completely comfortable asking for it. It’s the first time he’s hesitated since they made their relationship official. Carlos wraps his arm around TK’s shoulders, kisses his forehead and holds him close until TK sits up and reaches for the stack of papers.

“I’m going to start dinner,” Carlos says as he gets up. “If you want to take it in the bedroom or even take it home and do it when you’re alone, you can leave it for now and come watch me cook, but maybe glance over it now and see if you have questions?”

TK nods so Carlos leaves him alone and goes to the kitchen.

“Did you use the question mark option or just google stuff if you didn’t know what it was? Or I guess if you made it, then maybe you only put stuff on here if you knew what it was,” TK calls from the living room after a minute.

“I combined a couple lists I found online, so there’s things I don’t know what they are. I mostly googled in a private window, but I got paranoid and used the question mark a couple times. But that’s just because I’m a teacher, and I’m scared to totally trust the privacy. If you want to google everything, you can explain those things to me.”

TK laughs and agrees. When he doesn’t join Carlos in the kitchen, Carlos tries to resist looking behind him so that TK can at least feel like he has privacy if he needs it.

“Does watching porn mean ‘have I ever watched porn’ or ‘watching it with someone else?’” TK asks after a few minutes.

“Oh. I assumed it meant watching it together because that’s the only way it’s a partner thing. I guess it could mean a dom controlling if you’re allowed to watch it, but I wasn’t thinking of it like that,” Carlos answers.

“I’ll just fill it like it means watching together,” TK says.

“Can I have your list?” TK asks sooner than Carlos expected.

“Of course.” Carlos is careful to give it to him without trying to see the list TK’s already filled out. Eventually TK comes into the kitchen and presses up against Carlos’s back like he normally does when Carlos is cooking. It’s one of Carlos favorite things about cooking for them both. When he’s alone, he misses standing at the stove or the counter with TK nuzzling and kissing the back of his neck.

“I love you. Thanks for making this easier for me,” TK says as he rests his head on Carlos’s back.

“I love you too.” Carlos thinks a bit before speaking again. It’s hard to say what he wants, because he wants it to be unnecessary, but he loves TK too much not to say it. “You know I kind of hope things work out so that you’re never doing this with anyone else. But if you are, then they should be just as sensitive about how you feel. You shouldn’t let anyone dominate you that isn’t really careful that they’re not hurting you.”

TK squeezes him tighter and Carlos can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “I know. I do. Why do you think I’ve never really gotten into it before? I’ve never trusted anyone I’ve dated the way I trust you.”

***

“Can you look at my list while I shower?” TK asks after dinner. “I don’t want to watch you look at it because I’ll stress about your reactions, but I think if we wait, I’ll just stress out about it and not be able to fall asleep.

“Sure.” He’d planned to not ask for it until TK offered it, but he can see TK’s point.

Carlos can’t help being proud to see that TK hasn’t changed some things to “Red” that Carlos marked as “Red.” It’s possible that he changed others Carlos doesn’t know about, but it means that TK trusted him to not pass judgement, and he at least wanted to put them on even ground. _Also_ , something that didn’t occur to Carlos when he decided to let TK see his checklist first, was that TK would be more comfortable strongly asking for the things he wanted the most once he knew that Carlos marked them as green. TK wants to be eaten out. Message very received and Carlos will make sure to fulfill that desire as soon as it’s safe.

Honestly, Carlos wishes more of the vanilla people he’s dated were open to just going through a similar checklist. TK has always been so open about wanting certain things, that Carlos was hesitant to try anything new until he asked for it. And Carlos wasn’t raised like TK. He doesn’t know how to ask about some of the more risqué things naturally. Now they both have a very clear lists even if those lists include things that they aren’t sure they’ll like and things that they’re a little embarrassed about liking.

Carlos puts the list down and gets up when he hears the shower shut off. He needs to take his own quick shower. As Carlos expected, TK lowers his eyes as soon as he meets Carlos in the hallway, but when Carlos takes his hand he looks up.

“I’m not judging you,” Carlos says right away. “There’s nothing wrong with anything you want. There are some things I want to talk you and be careful about, but mostly just the things we both noted—severity of various things and all that. A couple questions you clearly changed your mind on a few times. All of the yellows, but not all at once.”

TK smiles, leans in to kiss him and when he pulls back, the nerves have been replaced with the teasing smirk that always makes Carlos wants to press him up against the nearest hard surface. Of course, TK _knows_ exactly what he’s doing. Carlos kisses him again before gently pushing him away.

“Michelle sent me a long list of ways you could get hurt if I don’t control myself,” Carlos says as he steps around TK and forces himself to ignore TK’s whine. “I’m going to take a screenshot of it and make it my lock screen.”

TK’s laugh is worth the cold shower.

***

“Now you’re just torturing me,” TK says while Carlos searches for boxers to wear to bed.

“Sorry. Do you need me to start getting dressed in the bathroom?”

“No way. If this is all I get, then I want it.” TK sits up and reaches for him even though Carlos is still across the room. Of course, he’s never been good at staying away from TK, so he flips off the overhead light and comes to bed.

“I get my stitches out next week,” TK says as he drapes himself across Carlos’s chest.

“We’ll see what the doctor says.”

TK sighs and rests his cheek on Carlos’s chest.

“I did see a few things on your list that aren’t sexual or strenuous. At least one we need to talk about before we try it, but maybe if you want to try some of those things, we could do that?” Carlos asks because TK’s pout is only funny and cute when he’s being a brat and doing it on purpose. When he’s actually upset, Carlos wants to fix it.

“Okay,” TK says. “But if it’s okay, I don’t think I can just talk about and then decide we’re going to do it. I get why we need to talk. I didn’t circle _yellow_ and think that you weren’t going to have some questions and want to talk about it. But I don’t think I can just do that and then jump into it. I thought about how you said there were times you felt like it almost just happened. I just think I want it to be like that. I don’t think I can just be like, ‘okay, now we start this scene.’ I’ve tried that with someone and that was part of why it felt so weird.”

Carlos scratches the back of TK’s neck near his hairline, and he smiles as he relaxes.

“I’m still going to want to check with you, at least the first few times, but if we’ve already agreed on safe words and discussed what things we’re ready to start introducing, it can just be something short and quick when it feels right.”

TK nods before pulling away from him so he can reach the bedside table and get their book.

“Read to me. I’m injured,” TK says with the playful pout Carlos is comfortable teasing him about.

“You _did_ warn me that you were easily spoiled.”

Of course, Carlos never expected to like this routine of theirs so much when TK first asked him to read. He thought it was just something to do so TK could hear his voice while they avoided talking about anything difficult. Now, they only have a couple more chapters left. He’s not sure if TK just wants to finish _Red, White, and Royal Blue_ and then he’ll forget about it, or if he’ll let Carlos pick out a new book for them. He’s kind of hoping TK’s as attached to their routine as he is.


	12. Chapter 12

**Michelle:** You remember that you start school in two days, right?  
**Carlos:** Funny. Yes, I know when my classes start. I only have 2.  
**Michelle:** Two classes in six weeks.  
**Carlos:** I already have a mother.  
**Michelle:** Uh huh. Does she know you haven’t spent a single night away from your new boyfriend since he became your boyfriend?  
**Carlos:** I’m going to make TK take you off the group chat.  
**Michelle:** You can’t do that. The group chat we actually use was originally set up by Paul and Marjan. They’ll just put me back in.  
**Carlos:** I’m going to tell Iris you’re trying to make me ditch TK for school. She’ll take my side.  
**Michelle:** Of course, she will. Even if she disagrees with me, she’ll take your side and then just switch sides when I’m gone.  
**Michelle:** Honestly though. Have you prepared TK?

It’s possible Carlos had a few boyfriends in college that didn’t make through the most difficult parts of his semester. With his weird combination of scholarships and loans, he wasn’t willing to mess anything up with his grades. He only had one boyfriend that lasted through more than one semester, and that’s because he could study with Lance kneeling at his feet. It’s possible that will work with TK, but not right away. He wants to give TK more attention than that while they’re still figuring things out.

 **Carlos:** We *did* make it through me having to turn in my final grades. We weren’t really together then, but it’s something?  
**Michelle:** He helped you grade. Maybe he’ll help you study? He did help Mateo study for his tests. Don’t start freaking out. Just talk to him.  
**Carlos:** I know.

“Who are you texting that’s making you look like that?”

Carlos didn’t even notice TK waking up.

“Michelle. She’s just worrying about me. Sometimes it’s like she transferred all her big sister habits from Iris to me.” It’s the first time Michelle has bothered him about his classes, but she definitely used to do it with Iris when she worried that Iris was partying too much. Of course, it never mattered because Iris was that annoying person who could party and then ace all her tests half hungover. Carlos has never been that person.

“What’s she worried about?”

“Don’t you need coffee or something?” Carlos asks. He kind of needs another cup for this.

“If I get an adrenaline spike when I wake up, I can function. It’s kind of a regular thing my body is used to. Worrying about you does almost the same thing,” TK says as he starts to sit up in bed.

“It’s not that serious. I promise. And _I_ need coffee.”

TK follows him to the kitchen instead of letting him go alone while TK waits in bed. Maybe it’s because TK’s getting more energy as he heals, but he stays pressed against Carlos’s back while he pours their coffee, so it’s probably because he’s worried.

Instead of cuddling under his arm when they go to the couch, TK turns sideways on the couch so they can look at each other.

“Honestly, she’s just worrying in general because it’s easier to worry about me than Iris. I’m more fixable,” Carlos tells him. “Apparently, she’s both worried that I’ll slack on my classes because of you, and also worried that you’ll be annoyed when I’m busy because of school and don’t have as much time for you. I kind of tend to take my classes really seriously. It was problem with some of the guys I dated in college because I didn’t have enough time for them and when you take a graduate class in six weeks, it’s kind of intense.”

“I think I figured out it was important to you when you were excited about your school supplies. Also, you organize your pens and you own more pens than anyone I know.”

“They have different uses.”

TK laughs at him.

“It’s cute. And it’s important to you. I want to be supportive. Just let me know if you need space or if I can help. Besides, Paul and Judd miss me even if they don’t want to admit it. _And_ at some point in these six weeks, I’m going back to work.”

Carlos doesn’t feel like it’s the right time to point out that TK should take his time going back to work. It doesn’t matter away. It’s up to the doctors and Owen to decide when he’s ready to go back to work.

“The beginning of the school year can be kind of crazy too,” Carlos points out. He’s gotten better every year and that makes it a little easier each year to make time for himself, but the first few weeks always leave him exhausted while he tries to get the kids into a routine.

“Is it going to keep me from coming over to sleep in your bed?”

“I haven’t done an all-nighter since my sophomore year. I’m too old for that.”

“Then we’ll be fine,” TK says. “I don’t actually need as much attention as everyone thinks I do. If you can make some time on the weekends I’m off and you’re okay with me coming over just to sleep with you some nights when you’re too busy for anything else, then it’ll be fine.”

“Okay, I’m going to have more time for you than _that_ ,” Carlos says because maybe Michelle was right about him not _wanting_ to spend time away from TK.

“We’ll figure it out,” TK says with a smile. “Besides, I was going to go bother my squad on their next shift anyway, so I’ll have something to do while you’re at school.”

“We still have two days,” Carlos points out as he tugs on TK’s hand to make him come closer.

TK laughs and puts his empty mug on the table before taking away Carlos’s mug and doing the same thing. Then he smirks as he swings around to sit on Carlos’s lap.

“I think you enjoy driving me crazy when I can’t do anything about it,” Carlos says, but it doesn’t stop him from putting his hands on TK’s ass and pulling him close.

“You can’t control yourself?” TK asks with a smirk.

“You are such a brat.” Carlos still kisses TK back and lets it go until TK pulls away on his own.

“You love it,” TK says against his skin as he kisses down Carlos’s neck.

“I do. It’s also why I’m making you talk about a few things on those lists because sometimes when you’re like this, I feel like you’re asking for it.”

There’s a moment when TK pauses his kisses that almost makes Carlos apologize before he says, “Maybe I am.”

Carlos can’t resist pulling TK into a rough kiss before he groans and pushes him away. TK obviously knew exactly what he was doing because he laughs when Carlos lifts TK off his lap and puts him back on the couch.

“Stay.” Carlos says, but he’s careful to control his tone so it doesn’t sound like too firm of an order. He goes to the bedroom to get their lists and brings them back to the couch.

“We don’t have to go over everything now,” Carlos says. “That’s…a lot. I was thinking we could just kind of go over some of the things that are limits of how hard and how much. And also focus on the things that we can actually do right now.”

“We’re going to disagree on what I can do right now, aren’t we?” TK asks.

“Probably. But considering most of the things I’m going to agree to put me in charge, you’re going to lose that argument either way.”

“I’m just going to wait for the negotiations to start before complaining about that,” TK says.

***

Carlos isn’t surprised that going over the lists doesn’t lead to them actually trying anything they discussed. Some things are hard for TK to talk openly about, and he needs some space after they decide they’ve talked about enough of the lists.

They end up back at TK’s house because Owen wants to see his son, but TK convinces Carlos to stay because they _do_ only have the weekend off together before Carlos starts classes and it’s likely that TK will be back at work before they’re both free again.

Also, his older sister is right. Carlos didn’t give her all the details, but he explained that TK and Owen both have medical reasons for living together. And she pointed out that it means he has to adapt accordingly. It’s not like they’re visiting TK’s parents for a short time. If Carlos doesn’t get used to the idea of staying at TK’s house and thinking of Owen a bit more like TK’s housemate instead of his father, then TK’s going to think he has a problem dealing with TK’s recovery. If he loves TK and he wants this relationship to work for a long time, he needs to adapt. Maybe it’s a blessing that they can’t have sex either way, because having sex with Owen in the house isn’t something that he can get comfortable with right away. But Carlos doesn’t want to separate TK from his support system because he thinks Carlos doesn’t want to be at his house.

Owen’s asleep when they get there. TK says the activity on the group chat shows that they had a long night, so they only stay long enough for TK to change clothes and then leave again to get groceries so Carlos will be able to make dinner.

“My dad doesn’t get to complain about you spoiling me if you’re cooking dinner for him too,” TK says. He gets in Carlos’s way as much when they’re shopping as he does when they’re cooking. Carlos loves it just as much.

“I’m not going to have as much time to make something that takes a long time when I start school, and I’m not going to be rude and take up his whole kitchen for hours and not cook for him.”

“Even if you have to make two different things to accommodate him?” TK asks. The way he looks at Carlos when he says it makes it hard for Carlos not to kiss him right in the store. Maybe he should just do it, but they’re in a Mexican grocery and he doesn’t want to notice a bad reaction and not be able to enjoy shopping there anymore.

“I have to make something tamer for Iris anyway. It’ll be the same.”

***

 **Mari:** You’re letting him watch you make tamales? You’re supposed to put a ring on it first.  
**Carlos:** He’s not paying enough attention to be able to recreate them. I have kept either of them from seeing some of the measurements. It’s impossible to copy without specific instructions anyway. You know that.  
**Lupita:** “either of them” Who else are you making these for?  
**Carlos:** His dad. And extras to take to Iris tomorrow. And about half his co-workers have requested that he brings some to work when he visit’s them on Monday. Thankfully, I was prepared for this because of Michelle.  
**Mari:** lol. Well, you’re certainly working toward that ring.  
**Carlos:** Shut up.

***

“I always make a lot,” Carlos tells TK when he insists for the third time that he’s not sharing any with Judd. “They reheat well.”

“What if I just don’t like sharing? Judd’s always giving me shit. He should earn them.”

“What exactly has Judd done wrong?” Carlos asks. “Because other than teasing you about us, all I’ve heard is that he keeps asking you to do things with him and you keep turning him down.”

As Carlos suspected, TK looks confused.

“He hasn’t asked me to hang out.”

“He’s asked to take you horseback riding—which I know you can’t do right now, but that was before. He’s asked to teach you to cook. He’s asked to take you fishing. And these are just the things I know about.”

“Because he thinks I need to know all this stupid stuff because I live here. I’m just going to look stupid because I don’t know how to do any of it because it’s not stuff I like.”

“Or,” Carlos suggests gently. “you don’t have the same love languages, and this is his way of trying to be your big brother and spend time with you.”

TK doesn’t answer him right away, but he also doesn’t blow it off. His ability to listen when Carlos suggests he might be wrong is one of the first things that made Carlos like him as a person. He leans against the counter next to Carlos and thinks.

“I didn’t think about it that way. But I still hate looking stupid when I don’t know how to something. And with horseback riding, I’ve never even been on a horse. I did a pony ride _once_ when I was a little kid. The pony _bit_ the girl running the ride. It’s possible my dad had to jump the little fence and come take me off the pony because I was crying.”

“Have you tried explaining that to Judd?” Carlos asks.

“You want me to tell _Judd_ that I’m scared of horseback riding? He’ll just say I have to conquer my fears and literally get back on the horse.”

“Well, I’m not saying you have to, and you _can’t_ anytime soon. But it might mean a lot to him if you gave him the chance to teach you. I only brought it up because I thought you weren’t realizing what he was really asking, and I was right. Maybe think of something you can teach him too so that it’s a little more even.”

“How are you so smart?” TK asks with a smile.

“I just have more experience with siblings,” Carlos says before stealing a quick kiss. “Our group text has been nothing but making fun of me all morning. Of course, Mari is so much older than me that she’s always forgetting that she’s not my mom.”

TK smiles and steps closer, wrapping his arms around Carlos’s waist and ducking under his arm so he can kiss Carlos’s cheek and nuzzle into his neck. It makes it almost impossible to work, but it’s worth it, and he can deal with it for a few minutes while he’s waiting for the filling to cook.

“Are you sending that picture to anyone besides me?” TK says suddenly as he ducks back under Carlos’s arm and turns to where his father has been working on a laptop and watching TV on the couch.

“Just your mother. She wanted to know how you’re doing.”

“I’m twenty-six. You can stop the amicable co-parenting.”

Owen just laughs.

“It never stops. That’s what we agreed to when we decided to have you.”

“Uh huh,” TK says as he comes back to Carlos. “Notice the wording. This decision happened _after_ I was conceived.”

“It was still a decision,” Owen says. “One neither of us has ever regretted.”

Whatever TK is about to say, he forgets it when Owen laughs.

“What did she say? I forgot how annoying it is when you’re getting along,” TK says.

“It’s only the second picture I’ve sent of him and you weren’t in the other one. She didn’t realize he was so big. But also, she’s glad you’re happy.”

“I feel like it was worse, but I don’t want to know,” TK says, but he must not mind because he comes back to stand behind Carlos and hug him from behind. “But she’s right. I _am_ happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did write out all of the long scene of them discussing their lists because I felt like _I_ needed to write it to figure it out, but I felt like it just didn’t work with the pacing and it clogged down the chapter. I’ll post it as an extra soon for people who want to see it.
> 
> I did start a new job. I haven't had anything close to a 9-5 in 6 years, so it will be an adjustment. It will probably mean updates will be mostly one weekends. Though I'm not starting full time until Tuesday, so I might get this extra up on Monday. <3


	13. Chapter 13

TK can see exactly why Carlos is a good teacher. He’s patient and sweet as he teaches TK how to fold the tamales closed. He insists that it takes a lot of practice and doesn’t make TK feel bad even though he has to repair almost all of TK’s work. He also makes sure that he’s eating all of the misshapen tamales that TK made so that TK doesn’t have to take them to work and have everyone else see his mess.

At night, when they curl up in bed and finish _Red, White, and Royal Blue_ , TK feels like it’s just another sign that their little honeymoon period bubble is almost over. He wants to go back to work. He wants to support Carlos when he starts classes. But they haven’t spent a full 24 hours apart in over a week and he doesn’t want it to end.

“Do you want me to stay home tomorrow so you can get ready for school?” TK asks after he turns out the light.

“Not really,” Carlos admits. “But I know your dad is off work, so I’m not going to be upset if you do.”

“We can decide tomorrow.”

***

**Michelle 🚑:** Don’t keep Carlos up late.  
 **TK:** Yes, I know he has school tomorrow.

*

**👩👦Mom 👸:** I think I can come for the 4th of July and stay through the weekend and leave on Monday.  
 **TK:** I might be back at work by then.  
 **👩👦Mom 👸:** That seems too soon for you to go back. You don’t even have your stitches out yet.  
 **TK:** They’re probably coming out on Tuesday.  
 **👩👦Mom 👸:** Who is your doctor?  
 **TK:** I’m not in a coma. You can’t call my doctor and argue with him because he can’t discuss my health without my permission.  
 **👩👦Mom 👸:** But you’ll let your father go with you.  
 **TK:** Because he doesn’t tell the doctor what to say. I want to go back to work. I’m going to be bored when Carlos goes back to school.  
 **👩👦Mom 👸:** Your boyfriend being busy isn’t a good reason to go back to work early.  
 **TK:** I know. No one is going to let me go to work early. But I can talk to my doctor myself.  
 **👩👦Mom 👸:** Well, if you have to work even though it seems unlikely, I’ll entertain myself.

“My mom is coming for the 4th of July, but don’t get any ideas about her celebrating it. It’s just because no one else wants her to work then. She says it’s unethical to celebrate independence when it was really only for some people. Yes, I know she’s right. She’s also coming because she knows my dad will definitely work most of the time, and she doesn’t think I’ll be ready to go back by then. We don’t really celebrate. My dad is always busy with everyone who wants to blow themselves up. I’ve never taken it off since I got out of the academy,” TK says as Carlos comes back from the bathroom. Maybe Carlos should have let him stay home, but if Carlos wants TK in his bed, TK wants to be there.

“It might be even worse here. People have a lot of extra space to set off fireworks and there’s plenty of places to get them outside of the city limits,” Carlos says.

“You grew up just setting them off in your yard like Judd, didn’t you?”

Carlos grins at him. “Of course. Lupita hated waiting until it was dark and would always talk my dad into letting her start playing with sparklers hours early. Half her box would be gone by the time it was dark every year.”

“Judd says his parents let him light roman candles when he was ten. Tell me you didn’t do that?”

“I think I was eight?” Carlos answers, grinning as TK groans.

“How did any of you survive your childhoods?”

“You took the subway alone in middle school. How did _you_ survive your childhood?”

“I was fine,” TK says. “And I wasn’t _alone_. I had to have at least one friend with me. Paul was even younger when he started taking the train by himself. He says he they learned how defend themselves against muggers in school. My mom put me in a class because she didn’t trust the school system.”

Carlos just shakes his head.

“So no fireworks for fourth of July?”

“They’re illegal here,” TK points out.

“You can get them and set them off outside of city limits.” Carlos says with a shrug.

“I love you too much to let you have this conversation with my mom. You will lose. She’s made law students cry.”

“I’m not going to argue with your mom.”

“Well, then no fireworks is an easy decision,” TK says even though he can tell Carlos is a little disappointed. “But if you want to avoid my mom completely, I’ll understand. If we made up some really hard tests, she’ll even take it as being studious and responsible and say she’s proud of me for being supportive.”

“I want to meet your mom if you want me to meet her,” Carlos says just like the other times. “It’s up to you, but I can handle it.”

TK nods and lets it go because he doesn’t want to spend time on it right now. If anything, at least his mom will meet Carlos and not be disappointed by his life decisions for once.  
Also, Carlos has seemed quieter and distracted since they started getting ready for bed and TK doesn’t know what to do about it. Maybe he’s worried about how they’ll deal with having less time for each other now or maybe he’s just sad about it. It’s hard for TK not to think about how Iris told him, “He’s tricky. He’ll tell you what’s wrong when it’s easy so you don’t notice he’s not doing it when it’s hard for him. You have to ask sometimes. Sometimes he’s not even doing it on purpose. He’s just accepting things and not even thinking about talking about it.”

So, TK turns to face him when he gets in bed.

“I know something’s bothering you, but I have no idea what.”

Carlos just looks confused.

“You seem kind of sad. Not all day. Just since we started getting ready for bed. I don’t think you were lying about wanting me here. I just don’t know what it is either.”

TK’s starting to recognize Carlos blushing a lot easier.

“It’s not a big deal,” Carlos says.

“Then maybe it’s not a big deal to tell me.” TK doesn’t want to push too hard. He doesn’t believe that couples have to tell each other _everything_ , but he wants Carlos to know that he doesn’t have to tough things through by himself.

“I’m just kind of sad we finished the book,” Carlos says. “I got used to reading to you sometimes at night. It was relaxing.”

TK still has moments that he’s so overcome with affection that he can’t process it, but he’s getting better at not getting so wrapped up in it that he can’t speak.

“I was kind of sad too,” TK admits because it’s easier when he’s not alone in it. “But I don’t know if you noticed, but you’ve got books in every room in your house and I probably haven’t ever read any of them.”

“I know reading isn’t really your thing,” Carlos says. He’s almost smiling now, but not quite.

“True, but _I’m_ not reading. It turns out that that having my hot, sexy boyfriend read to me so I don’t have to read myself is totally my thing. I’m spoiled like that.”

Carlos laughs and leans in to kiss him before getting up. He disappears into the living room and comes back a few minutes later with a book. TK turns on the lamp on the night table so they can turn off the overhead light before cuddling up together.

_“I walk to the bus station by myself. There’s always a fuss over my paperwork when I leave. All summer long, we’re not even allowed to walk to Tescos without a chaperone and permission from the Queen—then, in the autumn, I just sign myself out of the children’s home and go.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day someone is going to mention a book, and TK is going to be like, “Oh yeah. That book is really good,” without thinking. And Owen is going to be like, “since when do you read?”
> 
> Also, much thanks to my born and raised in New York ex-girlfriend who answers my texts late at night to tell me how she got to school in middle and high school. Makes me miss her and NYC. We need to decide what age we’re going to give up and marry each other if we’re both old and single. But then one of us would have to move and that's unlikely because we are married to our respective cities.


	14. Chapter 14

TK wakes up briefly when the alarm goes off, but Carlos shuts it off and kisses TK’s cheek before whispering, “Go back to sleep,” and getting out of bed. TK tries to fall asleep again. It doesn’t work, but it’s worth knowing that after he gets dressed, Carlos comes back to kiss him goodbye again even though TK’s pretending to be asleep. Sometimes TK feels so lucky to have him that it’s hard to breathe.

There’s still hot coffee when TK gets up. Carlos told him to just lock the door behind himself when he leaves, and TK has spent enough time in the house that he has a toothbrush in the bathroom, shampoo in the shower, and even a couple pairs of clean underwear that have been tossed into Carlos’s laundry at some point.

 _But_ it’s the first time TK’s been alone in Carlos’s house.

 **TK:** How much snooping is it okay to do the first time I’m alone in Carlos’s house?  
**Paul 🕵️:** You’re being creepy. Only things left out in plain sight. After that you’re weird.  
**TK:** Things on bookshelves are fair game?  
**Paul 🕵️:** : Depends. Are you talking about just seeing what books he has or snooping through photo albums?  
**TK:** I don’t see photo albums…  
**TK:** OMG yearbooks!  
**Paul 🕵️:** TK, no.  
**TK:** But I bet he was so cute and he won’t show me pictures. 🥺 🥺 My dad went through all my baby pictures with him already.  
**Paul 🕵️:** You just answered your own question. If he won’t show you old pictures, you shouldn’t look without permission.  
**TK:** Ugh. Okay. I need to get out of here. I have no self-control. You are all my self-control. I’m going to go by my house and get the tamales if my dad hasn’t eaten all of them. If I beat you guys to the station, I’ll just cuddle Buttercup. I’m really only coming to see him anyway.  
**Paul 🕵️:** I’m only hanging out with you for the food anyway. And I’m never leaving you alone in my apartment now.  
**TK:** Excuse you. I didn’t actually look at anything AND I texted you specifically because I knew you’d keep me from doing it. I am totally trustworthy.

***

TK takes his time because he’s selfish and he wants to make sure his squad gets first pick of the tamales. It’s also possible that he eats his own share at home so that he can pretend to be more generous with his boyfriend’s cooking than he actually is. In his defense, he’s promised Carlos (and Michelle, and his own parents) that he will be understanding of Carlos having less time to spoil him. Hoarding tamales is only helping him keep his promise.

***

Buttercup ditches Mateo as soon as he sees TK, so TK has to find a counter to set his bags on so that he can give the dog all of his attention. Maybe if Carlos is busy a lot, TK can talk his dad into letting him take Buttercup home for a few days. He’s lying on the floor with Buttercup half on top of him when a shadow comes over him.

“You’re going to teach that dog bad habits,” Judd says.

“I brought you lunch. Ask Michelle to help you figure out what’s not too spicy and leave me alone with my favorite member of the house,” TK says.

Judd just laughs and starts digging through the bag.

Mateo drops on the floor next to him to play with Buttercup. It’s hard not to love him when Mateo’s the only member of the squad who is more excited to see TK than to dig through the bag of food. He’s vaguely aware of Michelle taking pictures on her phone, but he’s confident she’ll only send them to two people.

***

 **TK:** [picture message]  
**TK:** These savages. All of the tamales are gone in twenty minutes. 😒  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** ☺️  
**TK:** 🥺  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** I will make more this weekend if you want me to.  
**TK:** Only if you have time. I may have hoarded a few extras for myself before I came to the station so there’s not actually a rush. 😏  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Well, you are my favorite person to cook for. Just don’t tell Michelle I said that. She’s been so nice to me this morning.  
**TK:** I suspected she was sending you pictures.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** They were very cute pictures.

***

 **TK:** Do you think it would be weird to rearrange some of my stuff so Carlos has a drawer?  
**Paul 🕵️:** He’ll probably be so happy that I’m going to have to text him and remind him you can’t have sex.  
**TK:** We’ve only really been together a couple weeks.  
**Paul 🕵️:** You’ve been together for months. You just now admitted it. He’s probably doodling your name in the margins of his notebooks right now.

***

 **👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** …so I’m actually already ahead in both my classes.  
**TK:** I can come to you or you can come to me if that’s a hint.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** I can come to you and leave from your house in the morning.  
**TK:** Works for me. I have something at my house to show you anyway.

***

 **TK:** Carlos is coming over and sleeping here so if you’re worrying about me being alone while you’re at work, you can chill out.  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** Thanks. I know you’d be fine on your own, but it does help me worry less.

***

“Why did Paul and Michelle both remind me not to have sex with you multiple times? Michelle, I’m used to, but Paul was a little random. Did you tell him you were going to try something?” Carlos asks after he greets TK with a kiss. It’s probably the opposite reaction TK should have, but all things considered, TK thinks it’s fair that he ignores the question in favor of kissing down his boyfriend’s neck.

“Seriously?” Carlos groans, and TK thinks he might actually give in when Carlos’s hands drift down to his ass. But maybe it’s just revenge because Carlos squeezes once to make TK whine and then pushes him away.

TK’s tempted to push it. He’s sure he could make it lead to something. But he did clear out one of his drawers, so he takes Carlos’s hand and pulls him down the hall.

“Come on. I want to show you something—something totally PG.”

TK takes him down the hall to his bedroom and pulls open the almost empty drawer.

“I thought it might be easier. We’ve kind of already been collecting things at each other’s places.” TK almost adds on that it’s really not a big deal and it doesn’t mean anything, but he forces himself to stop talking instead. Carlos loves him. Paul’s right. Just because they only recently made things official doesn’t mean they haven’t been dating for much longer.

Carlos doesn’t give him a long time to worry anyway. His hand moves to TK’s neck and he kisses TK hard. It’s TK’s favorite kind of kiss even though he loves all the ways Carlos kisses him. It’s not rough—not the way that usually means they’re both going to have a few little bruises and scratches as reminders the next day. Instead, this kiss is long and slow, but _dominating_. Coming from anyone else, it might be terrifying, but from Carlos, it just feels safe. Carlos holds him in place and every part of TK’s mind and body relaxes as he lets go. When Carlos pulls away and rests his head on TK’s shoulder, TK whines without meaning to.

“Fuck,” Carlos says with a harsh exhale. “I need to reread all the things Michelle told me could be negative consequences of having sex with you too soon. Or maybe I just need a cold shower.”

“If I knew I’d get this reaction, I would’ve made time to clear out a drawer for you sooner,” TK says.

Carlos turns his head and nips at his neck. It does _not_ help TK calm down.

“I’m going to shower. Alone,” Carlos says as he pulls back suddenly.

“Fine, but that’s just stupid and unfair. Because you can jack off and if I want to, I can sort of use my right hand, but that sucks and my left still kind of bothers my shoulder. If I was right-handed, I could at least be getting off easier.”

Carlos stops walking and turns around.

“Are you _supposed_ to be doing that?”

TK shrugs. “It’s more about not moving too much in general and not pulling at the wound. I’ve debated ordering one of those sex toys that masturbates for you, but they were kind of expensive for the ones with good reviews and so many of them had ‘realistic-looking’ vaginas.”

Carlos looks at him like he doesn’t know how to respond to any of that.

“Are you one of those gay guys who is scared of the word vagina?” TK asks.

“No. I’m friends with Michelle and Iris was in medical school. I’m not allowed to be like that. I’m just trying to decide if this is actually something you should be doing,” Carlos says.

TK can’t help grinning. “Does that mean you’re considering helping me?”

Carlos holds him back before TK can get into his space again.

“I’m going to shower. _Maybe_ I’ll do some research. If you want to take a thorough shower, you _can_. But if all my research says absolutely not, then it’s not happening.”

***

TK takes an extra thorough shower just _in case_ it’s beneficial. It’s enjoyable in it’s own way anyway. And even if Carlos comes back and says no, TK already knows he’s going to try to push enough to get a dominate reaction because Carlos is clearly in the mood, and he’s not the only one.

He expects to get out of the shower second, but Carlos still isn’t there when TK comes back downstairs from using his dad’s bathroom to shower. It’s probably a bad sign because it probably means Carlos is jacking off in the shower so he can have enough control to calm TK down. TK tries not to be bitter about it. Plus, even if it’s not exactly what he wants, he’s confident that he can get some kind of pleasurable result from all the awkward talks they had about how TK wants to be dominated.

If TK lies down on the bed completely naked and touches himself, it’s Carlos’s fault for taking so long.

“You’re actively trying to kill me,” Carlos says when he comes back in. He’s wearing the boxers he took with him to the bathroom. Rude. If all TK gets to do is look, then he wants to _look_. Carlos climbs on the bed and pulls TK’s hand away from his cock.

“I’m only touching you if you can be still so you don’t overexert yourself,” Carlos says as he lays down on his side without letting go of TK’s hand.

“If you touch me, I swear I’ll do whatever you tell me to,” TK says even though he’s already trying not to squirm on the bed.

Carlos smiles at him fondly before gently placing TK’s hand on the bed. Then he strokes down TK’s chest with a featherlight touch that makes it so hard for TK to keep his promise.

“Hum. Suddenly you’re good for me when you want to be,” Carlos says with a smirk as he traces over the lines of TK’s pecs before moving to pinch his nipple until it’s hard and TK whines from the effort of not turning to try to get more contact. “Of course, I’m always happy to deal with it when you need to be a brat. You know I love you like that, but you’re beautiful like this. Being so good for me because I’ve missed touching every inch of you.”

It’s like Carlos is studying his body and trying to relearn it after keeping distance between them for so long. His palm smooths down TK’s chest and over his abs and then torturously slides to the side, avoiding his already hard cock to feel down the crease of his leg to grab the inside of his thigh. When Carlos pulls gently it’s the firmest touch TK’s felt the entire time and it makes TK spread his legs shamelessly, but Carlos just chuckles and kisses his shoulder.

“Want to take my time. It’s been so long since I’ve touched you,” Carlos whispers into his neck before trailing soft kisses there and making it even harder to not push against the hand that only ghosts over his cock before stroking back up his side to wrap around his throat. Carlos squeezes gently and TK meets his eyes instinctively.

“I got you,” Carlos says as his thumb stroke’s TK’s neck. “Are you going to be good and let me touch you?”

TK’s voice is a rough whisper when he answers, “Yes.”

“Anywhere I want, however I want?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Just lie still for me then.”

It’s different than anyone has ever touched him. It feels like he’s being examined, memorized. Carlo’s fingers almost never press as hard as TK wants, but whenever TK whimpers, Carlos followers his fingers with soft kisses that somehow calm TK down and make him want more at the same time. Carlos moves between his legs and strokes the insides of thighs and just _looks_ at him in a way that makes him feel loved and _owned_ even though gentle kisses over his balls and up his cock are just a tease of what he wants.

When Carlos moves off him, TK can’t stop himself from whining and shifting toward his touch. There’s a moment of panic when he realizes he moved, but Carlos just shushes him and strokes down his side.

“I’m not stopping. I’m just giving you space to roll over. Hold on for just a second.”

Carlos waits until TK’s panic subsides before taking a pillow and putting it next to TK’s hip.

“Lie on your stomach for me. If it’s not comfortable, in any way, you have to tell me, okay?”

Carlos waits for his nod before giving TK the space to move. TK can’t resist thrusting into the pillow a little, but Carlos presses down on his hip to hold him still.

“I’ll get you there, but you have to let me do everything, or we stop.”

TK nods. It’s not even the promise of the orgasm that makes him stop. He _wants_ to do what he’s told in a way that he’s always felt the edges of but never let himself fully indulge.

“If you come without moving, it’s fine. But only if it just happens. Otherwise, you wait for me to take care of you.”

TK nods and relaxes. He’s never come untouched before and he doesn’t think he actually can, but it helps him relax anyway to not worry about coming before Carlos intends.

Carlos finally increases his pressure as he massages the tension out of TK’s neck. TK’s not sure he’s ever felt so relaxed while also being so turned on that he feels like he’s going to tremble out of his skin. Carlos combs through his hair and kisses his cheek and TK has to add _loved_ to the list of everything he’s feeling.

As Carlos’s hands move to his shoulders, his touch goes light again. TK knows the light trail of kisses Carlos leaves on his left shoulder are probably right above where the bullet exited his body, but before either of them can dwell on it, Carlos continues down his back, his hands pressing the tension out of TK’s lower back even as TK’s breathing gets shallow from anticipation.

When Carlos spreads his legs wider and traces along the bottom of his ass, it’s not the first time TK’s been in this position. But they’re both completely sober and the light is on and Carlos seems so completely in control when he spreads TK’s cheeks open and grazes his finger over TK’s hole. TK feels exposed in a way that he doesn’t usually think about and he can’t help turning his head to hide his face in the pillow. Carlos stills behind him, leaving only one hand on TK’s ass while he runs his fingers through TK’s hair.

“You okay, baby?” Carlos asks. “Can you turn your head back and let me see you?”

TK knows his face is red, but he turns his head back to the side.

“Hey,” Carlos says. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s just a lot,” TK admits.

“Too much?”

TK shakes his head. The action makes him want to hide again, but Carlos asked him not to. “I want you to keep going. It’s a lot, but I want it. I want to be good for you. I want you to do what you want with me.”

“Baby, you are being so so good for me, You’re so amazing. But I’m still going to think you’re amazing if it’s too much and you use your safeword, okay. And I will still get you off if you want. You understand that?”

TK nods and Carlos kisses his cheek.

“You’re so beautiful,” Carlos says as he moves back between TK’s legs. “And being so good for me. Letting me look at you and touch every part of you.”

Carlos’s fingers trace over his lips and coax TK to open his mouth to let them in. TK sucks and swirls his tongue around them until Carlos pulls them away.

When Carlos spreads him open again, TK resists the urge to hide his face even though he knows Carlos has to be seeing more than he ever has before while his finger teases TK’s hole again. It’s feels like Carlos tortures him like that forever, just holding him open and teasing his hole and _looking_ while TK tries to relax and let him.

“Relax and let go for me,” Carlos says and erases any hope that he’s not doing this on purpose. “Stop worrying about it and let me look at you. Just trust me. You’ll feel so good, I promise.”

It feels like forever. It’s ridiculous. TK loves being fingered. He loves being fucked. He’s not sure how this feels like more, but it does.

“Take a deep breath,” Carlos coaches while his finger keeps brushing lightly instead of just pushing further and making TK stop caring about the details. But TK listens and takes a deep breath. And then slowly he stops caring as Carlos talks to him gently. “That’s it. Let go for me. Trust me. Let me take over.”

TK sinks into the mattress and closes his eyes. Everything fades away except for Carlos’s finger and his soft praise and then his _tongue_. Carlos presses down on his good shoulder and pulls his lips back enough to remind TK to be still. Then, with his hands still pressing TK’s hips still, he works TK open with his mouth. TK’s never felt so good in his life. It’s like everything in him zeros in on Carlo’s tongue and his hands and his fingers. TK loves being eaten out on any day, but with all his focus zeroed in on how Carlos is touching him, it’s so intense that he doesn’t care how much he’s whimpering and moaning. It’s like Carlos has taken control of his body and TK’s just feeling everything Carlos wants him to feel and nothing else.

When Carlos rolls him over, TK lets himself be moved. He comes with Carlos’s lips wrapped around him and his fingers keeping TK full. He’s vaguely aware of Carlos releasing his cock before it starts to be too sensitive, but he leaves his fingers inside when TK whines and pushes back to keep from losing them. Carlos presses gentle kisses on his thighs and soothes him with long, firm strokes up and down TK’s side with his free hand until TK lets him pull his fingers free without protesting.

Carlos never stops touching him as he cleans TK off and moves up the bed to move TK into his arms.

“You were so good for me,” Carlos says as he holds TK close and lets TK bury his face in Carlos’s neck. TK closes his eyes, breathes him in, and enjoys the feeling of not having to worry about anything else. Putting his thoughts into any coherent order feels useless and impossible. Carlos’s hand on the back of his neck feels so safe that TK doesn’t bother trying to think. He just sinks into the peaceful feeling and lets himself float until Carlos starts gently scratching at the back of his neck. Slowly he starts to feel like he’s waking up. It’s not anymore welcome than waking up from a good dream, so he shakes his head and nuzzles into Carlos’s neck again.

But he can’t sink back the way he wants to.

“Hey,” Carlos says gently. “It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay. Don’t panic on me. You were so good. Everything’s okay.” When he opens his eyes, Carlos smiles at him and kisses him. When TK nuzzles his neck and tries to get closer because it feels like he just can’t get close enough, Carlos lets him.

“Breathe for me, sweetheart,” Carlos reminds him. “I’m not going anywhere. We have all the time you need.”

TK takes a few deep breaths and cuddles against him. Eventually his thoughts start to make more sense, but it feels like he can’t make the connections required to speak. He must react when he figures that out because Carlos kisses him gently and strokes his back and tells him not to worry about anything.

“Fuck,” TK says when his brain finally figures out how to talk again.

“You’re back with me?” Carlos asks gently.

“I think so? I didn’t know it was like that. I mean, I’ve read about people saying they can’t talk, but that seemed kind of fake. Then I tried and it felt like…I don’t know how to describe it…it was like when you first wake up and moving isn’t possible if you try too soon.”

“I can’t say I know exactly what it feels like,” Carlos says, “but it’s not uncommon to not be able to talk.”

“It was kind of like my voice was stuck? Or like talking was too hard.”

“You don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to, but I’m sorry if I pushed you too far.”

“No,” TK says when he sees the concern on Carlos’s face. “It was amazing. Wait, did you even come?”

Carlos holds him tighter when he starts to pull away.

“I did. I wasn’t going to let you help no matter how things went, so don’t feel bad that you missed it. You were…really out of it.”

TK nods and relaxes down on his chest. Carlos picks up a bottle of water from the side table and opens it before handing it to TK.

“Drink some water. I’ll get you something to eat when you’re ready to let me get up.”

TK drinks even as he blushes at the realization that Carlos leaving him just to go to the kitchen feels like way too much. It’s only worse when he thinks about the way he ended up in subspace.

“Hey,” Carlos says as he gently takes the bottle of water away and urges TK back into his arms. “Can you tell me what’s upsetting you?”

TK shakes his head.

“Okay. Can you listen to me?” Carlos asks and TK nods into his chest.

“Taking you down into subspace isn’t an exact science,” Carlos says. “Everyone is different and you’re only the second person I’ve had submit to me. And it’s new for you so it’s not like you could give me exact instructions on how to get you there. There’s likely a lot of different ways we’ll get you there if we keep doing this. And some will have different feelings. This one got a lot more intense than I planned for the first time. I could tell you were deep in it and there for a while. It was probably really intense either way, and definitely more intense than I planned for your first time. But you were amazing and perfect. And whatever you’re embarrassed or worried about, you don’t need to be. You were beautiful like that. I love that you trusted me with that. Okay?”

TK nods.

“Feeling so much can make you have subdrop later. I’m going to do everything I can to help you get to a place where that doesn’t happen. But try to tell me if you need _anything_ , okay?”

“Okay.”

“I know it might be hard to ask for things, but I’m just going to overload you on aftercare until you tell me to stop, so if there’s something specific you want, I might drive you less crazy.” Carlos smiles and kisses his nose and TK feels like some of his anxiety releases when he laughs.

“Why don’t you come to the kitchen with me? You need to eat something, and I don’t want to stop holding you.”

***

If TK had any doubts about submitting to Carlos again, they’re gone by the time they’ve eaten and then gone back to bed. After two hours of Carlos showering him with every possible compliment and affection, he’s decided that Carlos wouldn’t give him so many rewards if he didn’t really think TK was beautiful however he submitted.

“I’m really okay,” TK tells him as he cuddles up. “I’m still going to make you read to me, but you’re used to that.”

“I like reading to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carlos took a long time in the shower because he was texting Michelle. Text convo between Michelle and Carlos before his shower:  
>  **Carlos:** Can I ask you some questions? As a medical professional? Without commentary or judgement?  
>  **Michelle:** Does this have to do with why Paul told me to remind you extra that you can’t have sex with TK?  
>  **Carlos:** Maybe?  
>  **Michelle:** Let me get far away from his father. Because I’m still your friend first and if you admit you had sex with him anyway, and he’s hurt, I won’t tell his dad. (But he probably should)  
>  **Carlos:** I didn’t! He’s fine.  
>  **Michelle:** Okay. Well, hit me with your questions.  
>  **Carlos:** He says that it’s really just about making sure he doesn’t disturb the wound or have too much physical activity in general. If I make sure he’s not really moving, can I do something for him?  
>  **Michelle:** Probably. I mean, he can probably masturbate anyway if he can use his right hand. You doing it for him with your hand or your mouth is going to be less strenuous on him than that, so if he’s well enough to jack off, then there’s not really any harm in you doing it for him.  
>  **Carlos:** That’s what he said. I wasn’t sure I trusted him on that.  
>  **Michelle:** But it’s probably still safer if he doesn’t try to get you back. He’s an idiot and will push himself, and you’re not going to be able to pay attention as well if your dick is in his mouth. So that seems like a bad idea. Sorry. If this is your plan, you should probably get yourself off and not let him help. Otherwise, it’s probably fine if you’re in the mood to be selfless about it but you really have to be careful about it. I’m assuming it’s more intense for him if you’re there and he’s not just jacking himself off, so that’s something to consider. 🤷♀  
>  **Carlos:** Thanks.  
>  **Michelle:** You should really tell Iris about this. She’ll be so happy abstinence has become so hard for you.  
>  **Carlos:** When I ask your *professional* opinion, you’re supposed to keep the unprofessional opinions to yourself.  
>  **Michelle:** It’s only been two weeks Carlos. This is a serious lack of control for you. I know he has a good body, but seriously.  
>  **Carlos:** Shut up.  
>  **Michelle:** lol. Okay, okay. I’m done. I can hear your possessive mood miles away.
> 
> Also, Paul is right. Carlos has 100% doodled TK’s name in one of his notebooks.


	15. Chapter 15

Carlos debates just letting TK sleep the next morning, but he still feels like maybe he pushed TK too hard. Carlos isn’t sure he should’ve put TK in such a physically vulnerable position, but it wasn’t his intention. TK had blatantly asked to be eaten out, so Carlos wanted to make it happen, and he wanted to make sure TK wasn’t exerting himself. And TK was obviously in a mood to submit, so Carlos wanted to give it to him. It felt like Carlos was just taking his time slowly getting TK into the headspace and then suddenly they were in a fragile space where it felt like taking TK down was a better choice than pulling back risking him feeling like he did something wrong.

But Carlos also knows that he pushed. He wanted TK to give over control and let Carlos take him out of his head so he even though he checked in with TK and tried to ease him into it, he still might have pushed TK into a place that was way too much for his first time. Next time, they’re going to experiment with something safer and probably less sexual even if TK complains about it.

***

**Carlos:** Can you kind of suggest to Owen that he should come home straight after his shift without making it obvious?  
 **Michelle:** What did you do?  
 **Carlos:** Nothing! Stuff just got kind of intense last night and I’d feel better if TK wasn’t alone a long time while I’m at school.  
 **Michelle:** I feel like those were not the directions I gave you for what might be safe to do.  
 **Carlos:** He’s 100% physically fine. There’s a chance I’m being overprotective.  
 **Michelle:** How high is that chance?  
 **Carlos:** I’m not sure. Probably just me worrying too much if you ask him, so please don’t?  
 **Michelle:** Right. I think Owen’s anxious to go to TK’s doctor’s appointment, so I probably don’t need to even lead him that way. I hope you didn’t do anything he’s going to see when TK takes his shirt off at the doctor.  
 **Carlos:** I didn’t!

***

Carlos gently combs through TK’s hair to wake him up.

“Hey. Sorry. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay before I left.”

TK smiles fondly at him.

“I’m fine. I was fine before we went to sleep last night.”

“I know. But promise to text me if you’re feeling down?” Carlos asks.

“You have class.”

Carlos sighs.

“As my boyfriend, you’re totally right and I’m being over-protective,” Carlos says. “But as your dom, even if it’s something we only do part-time, I’m going to worry that I pushed you too far last night. You said you want me to tell you when I need something, and when I’m in the mood. I know this isn’t what you meant, but this is what I need as a dom. I need to know you’ll reach out to me if you need me or I’m just going to worry all day. I’ll feel better if you promise me that you’ll at least text me if you need some reassurance.”

TK smiles and pulls him into a kiss.

“I promise, but I’m fine. I’m okay because you were amazing, and you took care of me. That’s why I trusted you enough to keep going and go down into subspace. And it was amazing, so I’m going to want to do it again if only because I don’t think I’ve ever slept so well in my entire life.”

Carlos kisses him again.

“Go to school,” TK says as he pushes Carlos away gently. “Iris will get mad at me for making you late.”

“ _Iris_ will figure out it was a sex thing and be incredibly proud of both of us,” Carlos says laughing through one more kiss. “Michelle will get mad at us.”

***

**TK:** In the event you are feeling guilty even though you shouldn’t, you should know that I’ve been approved for light sexual activity. Which is basically handjobs, blowjobs, stuff we can do without me moving too much as long as we’re careful.  
 **TK:** So clearly it was fine last night. But also, I can give you blowjobs. So you should let me.  
 **Carlos:** You tell me this when I still have a class to get through. Are you trying to drive me crazy.  
 **TK:** Let me know when you’re heading home and I’ll meet you. 😏  
 **Carlos:** Everything else is okay?  
 **TK:** Yes. I’m all good. He says I just have to keep waiting and being bored. No timeline on going back to work yet.  
 **Carlos:** I’m sorry. I’ll try to keep you entertained?  
 **TK:** This is the longest I’ve ever been out. My dad is enjoying telling everyone that you’re the only reason I’m not complaining the whole time.  
 **Carlos:** Well, I’m enjoying the job.

“I guess the boyfriend is doing okay?”

Carlos looks up to see one of the other third grade teachers. Ms. Franklin. He relates to how the kids feel when they see him outside of school. She’s younger than him, but he still thinks of her as Ms. Franklin because he only sees her at school.

Maybe it’s because he was so busy with Michelle and missing Iris, but he knows part of it is that he doesn’t want to find out that his co-workers aren’t okay with his sexuality because he’ll have to keep working with them anyway. So he just doesn’t give them a chance. He’s an introvert anyway. He has enough friends. If Iris had been around, she would have pointed out that he was already making the hardest time of his job harder by isolating himself in his first years of teaching. It’s not something he’s talked about with Iris since he found her again, but that doesn’t change her influence in his head. He smiles and moves aside his books on the picnic table so Ms. Franklin can sit down.

“Yeah. He’s okay. He’s still not back at work, so he’s bored, but he’s going to be okay,” Carlos says. “But it’s good I was off work and could spend time with him.”

“Good. Everyone worried about you this year with everything that happened,” Ms. Franklin says. “And you still did so well with your class anyway. I’m glad things are better.”

“I should probably also mention that my friend wasn’t dead after all.”

“What?”

Carlos surprises himself and laughs. It still hurts, but he’s starting to get used to Iris how she is. And part of that might mean letting himself make other friends again.

***

Carlos loves TK and he’s never going to be a guy who can’t live without sex when his boyfriend can’t or doesn’t want to have it.

But he’s _missed_ TK’s mouth and the way he goes down on Carlos with so much enthusiasm that it feels like something he’s doing for his own pleasure much as Carlos’s. Carlos is glad that TK always takes it as a compliment when he comes quickly. It’s TK’s fault for sending him selfies in the morning as proof that he was okay, and then nudes to remind Carlos to come home as if he wouldn’t remember. Carlos pulls TK from where he’s kneeling next to the bed and lays him down so that he’s comfortable while Carlos returns the favor.

“Feel better?” Carlos asks after they’re cuddled together.

“Mostly,” TK says. “I still miss getting fucked. It’s been forever.”

“I know. I promise as soon as it’s safe, I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“I know,” TK’s satisfied smile as he cuddles closer makes Carlos set his alarm so he can get up and work on homework in a couple hours because he’s definitely not ready to leave TK alone in bed yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my new job, but wow. It wears me out. I was rereading a chapter on my other site so that I could answer comments and thought that I really couldn't wait to get the next part. Then I realized of course I'd already written it. On the upside, I'm really editing from a blank slate now. lol


	16. Chapter 16

The first few weeks of classes go a lot better than Carlos expected. He suspects that Michelle is reminding TK to give him some time and space when he has bigger assignments, but they still manage to sleep in the same bed most nights.

The thing he feels guilty about is Iris. She’s not getting better and Carlos doesn’t have as much time to see her because, unlike TK, she won’t just come to him. She knows he’s in school and she says it’s safer if he doesn’t come so often anyway, but it still feels like he owes her more than what he’s giving.

***

**TK:** Hey, change of plans. Come to my house after school instead?  
 **Carlos:** Sure. Are we still sleeping at my house later or should I go by there and get stuff first?  
 **TK:** Probably. If not, we’ll figure it out later. Also, I ordered dinner. So don’t worry about that. 😘  
 **Carlos:** Thank you. You’re amazing.  
 **TK:** Don’t thank me yet. My plan might still fall apart. 😅  
 **Carlos:** It’s worth thanking you for whatever you’re trying to plan. I love you.

***

Carlos is expecting a romantic dinner. It’s not a special occasion, but it’s the logical conclusion after TK’s texts. He’s not expecting Iris to open the door showered with freshly washed hair and clean clothes.

“TK hid the takeout boxes,” Iris says in her ear as she hugs him.

Iris makes it through dinner before saying she has to go. It’s obvious that they were both hoping she’d kind of forget about it and sleep over, but it’s not a surprise. She’s still convinced that people are watching her, but she’s alert throughout dinner, teasing Carlos about his classes and about TK. After they drop her off, Carlos hugs TK in the car before starting the engine.

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t really talk to you about it. I’ve been trying slowly every few days because I thought it might be easier to get her to my house instead of yours. She said it was safer if you didn’t know, and I didn’t want to lie to her without a good reason,” TK says. “And I didn’t want to get your hopes up for nothing.”

“I’m not mad at you about any of that.”

TK laughs, “I’m not sure Michelle will agree, but it’s easier to talk Iris into things if I keep both of you out of it. I still can’t get her to see a doctor.”

“If the choice is between getting Iris help and telling Michelle about it, then she’ll get over it,” Carlos says. It’s hard to let TK go so he can drive, but they do need to get back to his house because he has to get up early in the morning.

“I know you worry about her,” TK says.

Carlos is happy that he’s ahead in his classes because it’s getting late when they get back to his house and Carlos would rather demonstrate how much he loves TK than do homework. TK’s response to rimming when he’s not in subspace is just as satisfying as Carlos expected.

***

Of course, the more TK heals, the more impatient he gets. He’s at an awkward stage where he can do most day to day activities, but he can’t work out, their sexual activity is limited, and he definitely can’t go back to work.

“You had a hole that went all the way through your chest,” Marjan is reminding him when Carlos picks TK up from the station. TK claims that he misses Buttercup, but they all know he misses his friends because he makes sure to stop by the station when he knows it’s a slow day and they might be sitting down to eat.

"It was a small hole,” TK says. “It’s not going to burst open so easily.”

“If we get called to your boyfriend’s house because you’re an idiot, I’m leaving you on the floor,” Marjan says.

TK looks at Paul.

“Depends on if Carlos is cooking,” Paul says.

“Michelle will save me,” TK says with confidence as Carlos walks close enough to get their attention.

“She will, but I don’t need that lecture,” Carlos says.

TK makes a show of sighing and rolling his eyes, but he walks into Carlos’s arms with a smile.

“Okay,” Marjan says. “No offense to Carlos—who we all love because we know TK only brings us food because you make him—but take the romance out of here.”

No one is surprised that TK kisses him anyway and Carlos is powerless to reject him, but he doesn’t let it go on once the catcalls start. He’s not sure who throws paper at them, but he catches it reflexively before it hits TK.

“Well, that was kind of impressive,” Judd says. “Baseball in high school?”

“Yes,” Carlos says, “But mostly third graders throwing paper at each other.”

“I’m am so good with just running into burning buildings,” Marjan says as she shakes her head.

***

TK is restless when they get home. Carlos did his homework in between classes, so he _could_ try to calm TK down with sex, but he also wants to try something else while he has time to really give TK his full attention.

He pulls TK over to the couch and into his lap. For all his talk about wanting to have sex, TK relaxes into a hug without protesting and presses his face into Carlos’s neck.

“I’m just bored and frustrated. This is why you really don’t need to thank me for hanging out with Iris. Even she knows I’m bored. But you shouldn’t feel bad. If you had any other job, you’d be gone way more than you are for school. And it’s only really bad the day after everyone has a shift because they’re tired from working and I’m not.”

Carlos holds him and TK cuddles closer, but he doesn’t push for anything else. That alone tells Carlos a lot about his mood.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. I don’t want you to pretend you’re not frustrated just so I don’t feel guilty. I want you to be honest with me. _And _I think we’re balancing it okay considering everything,” Carlos says, running his hands through TK’s hair as he relaxes. “And your mom is here next week. So you won’t be bored.”__

__“She’s going to use all my time off to tell me I should go to college and get a different job,” TK says. “She’s never just proud and happy that I’m doing something I care about.”_ _

__Carlos doesn’t want to argue. He doesn’t know TK’s mom. So he just turns his head to kiss TK’s temple._ _

__“I guess, that’s not fair,” TK says after a second. “She’s proud and happy about one thing I’m doing that I care about.”_ _

__Carlos laughs as TK pecks kisses playfully on his neck. Maybe holding him is improving TK’s mood more than Carlos realized._ _

__“I’m sure she’s proud of more than that,” Carlos says, resisting the urge to tickle him because TK’s still not supposed to strain his upper body._ _

__TK nods, relaxes in Carlos’s lap again, and just lets Carlos hold him._ _

__“So, I did my homework in between my classes,” Carlos says after he’s sure TK isn’t in the mood to keep talking. “I was thinking maybe we could try something if you want to. If you don’t, it’s okay. You’ve just been really frustrated and tense lately, so I thought it might help.”_ _

__“It’s not going to be you fucking me really hard against doctor’s orders, is it?” TK asks. Carlos can’t be blamed for slapping his ass without thinking._ _

__“That works, too,” TK says with a smirk._ _

__“Unless you’ve asked your doctor if I can spank you, I’m not going all out on that,” Carlos says. “And if you did that while your father was there, I’m hiding from him indefinitely.”_ _

__TK leans against him with a pout and a disappointed sigh._ _

__“I was thinking,” Carlos says, pausing to kiss TK’s temple and stroke down his jaw. “we could try having you kneel for me. If you want to.”_ _

__TK doesn’t answer him right away, but Carlos waits. It was something TK listed as really wanting to try, but it’s also something he’s never done._ _

__“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking,” Carlos says gently._ _

__“I’m not sure I’ll like it,” TK says. “I think I will, but I’ve never done it. I might just get bored.”_ _

__“You might,” Carlos says. “And if that’s all that happens, you can safeword just because you don’t want to keep trying. It doesn’t have to be just because something is wrong. And it won’t mean we can’t try again eventually. You might just not be in the right mood. It’s up to you.”_ _

__TK nods into his neck before pulling back so that he can look Carlos in the eye while he talks._ _

__“I want to, but I also want to say something first because I know if I get to subspace, I’m going to be out of it and forget,” TK says._ _

__Carlos nods for him to continue._ _

__“You didn’t push me too hard last time.”_ _

__Carlos starts to argue, and TK covers his month and waits for Carlos to nod that he’s going to let TK finish. It’s probably another reason TK wanted to do this before submitting._ _

__“You didn’t. I know maybe it was more intense that you’d planned, but you pushed exactly the right amount. You were _so_ careful, and you checked on me. You made me feel comfortable and you took care of me at every step. I love that you worried, but you shouldn’t think you did something wrong. Because you didn’t. You really didn’t. I promise. Okay?”_ _

__“Okay.” Carlos pulls him into a long kiss. When it’s over, Carlos pulls him into a hug. He’s always overwhelmed with how TK always finds a way to take care of him._ _

__When Carlos sighs and lets him go, TK kisses him quickly once before getting up._ _

__“Whatever feels comfortable for you,” Carlos says. “So we can figure out what you like.”_ _

__TK takes a second to think before moving between Carlos’s legs and sitting down facing Carlos with his legs folded under him. He shuffles around to get comfortable while Carlos turns on the TV, mutes it, and finds a movie he’s already seen before. When TK leans his head against Carlos’s thigh and settles, Carlos threads his fingers through TK’s hair and strokes the back of his head. TK sighs under his touch._ _

__Carlos put on the movie because he wasn’t sure _he_ wouldn’t get a little bored, but he didn’t want to have something that kept him from checking on TK often to see how he was doing. Now, he ignores the TV completely. He’d forgotten how calming this is. How it settles something restless in him to have someone he cares about kneeling for him without any other agenda besides submission. TK’s been wound tight for days. He fidgets and Carlos lets him at first because he wants to be sure TK isn’t uncomfortable. Then he slides his hand to the back of TK’s neck and squeezes._ _

__“You’re doing so good,” Carlos says in a soft voice that sounds loud in the quiet room. “Just relax and concentrate on me.”_ _

__Slowly the tension drains out of TK’s body, his shoulders relaxing as Carlos keeps his hand on the back of TK’s head to gently keep him in place. There’s something so sweet and gentle in the way TK sinks into subspace. Carlos loves it more than he expected. And he knows that he needed this as much as TK. He’s just as frustrated that he can’t love TK in all the ways they both want. Constantly refusing to satisfy him goes against every one of Carlos’s instincts. Carlos lets his fingers trace over TK’s cheek and enjoys watching his face without the tension he’s had since Carlos picked him up from the station._ _

__As calming as it is, Carlos knows he has to at least move TK to the bed eventually. His legs have to be falling asleep, so Carlos isn’t surprised when he shifts and whimpers._ _

__“Okay. Let’s move to the bed. Let you stretch out.”_ _

__He has to soothe TK as he stands up and pulls TK with him, and half carry him to the bed so that they can curl up together. TK’s calmer this time as he slowly becomes more responsive. He smiles and stretches and nuzzles Carlos’s neck seeming relaxed and content for the first time in days._ _

__“That was better than I thought it would be,” TK says eventually. “I might never let you go now though.”_ _

__“Well, it’s a weekend, so you really don’t have to,” Carlos says._ _


	17. Chapter 17

**TK:** My doctor is a dumbass.  
 **Carlos:** I’m going to need more of an explanation.  
 **TK:** Apparently, he thought I was straight. Which in his brain makes me a top because I’m not explaining to this old Texas man what pegging is. So anyway, I scarred him for life explaining how my sex life works, but you can fuck me if we lie on our sides.  
 **Carlos:** Okay, then.  
 **TK:** That is not enough enthusiasm. I mean, it’s not my favorite position, but I miss having you inside me.  
 **Carlos:** I’m sorry. That was just a lot to process. Yes, I’m excited. When can I see you?  
 **TK:** Whenever you get home. My dad’s working. Which is why I was able to bother my doctor with details.  
 **Carlos:** On the way.  
 **TK:** [picture message]  
 **Carlos:** Are you trying to kill me? Don’t you dare start without me.

***

Carlos is expecting TK to meet him at the door because TK knows where he keeps his spare key and Carlos assumed that he was impatient enough to be waiting inside. Carlos is confused until he closes the door behind himself and realizes that TK was hiding on the other side. Completely naked and already hard. Carlos should reward him for holding back so he wasn’t exposed when Carlos opened the door, and he _will_ but it’s not like they don’t both know where this is going. TK would have to do a lot more than risking exposing himself for Carlos to reject him. TK pushes his shirt up and over his head before leaning down to kiss his Carlos’s neck.

“Hey,” Carlos soothes as he runs his hands down TK’s back. “We can’t be rough. You know that. You have to let me take care of you.”

TK whines and Carlos moves his hand to the back of TK’s neck.

“Easy. Breathe. I’m gonna make this so good for you, but you have to work with me here.”

TK presses closer, but he settles enough that Carlos isn’t worried that he’s going to get hurt.

No matter how determined TK is to have sex in every place in Carlos’s house, Carlos is always going to love having TK in his bed the most. Nothing compares to having TK laid out and open to him on his bed. Maybe it’s because of how much he had to work to get TK not only in his bed, but comfortable there. It’s impossible not to pause and enjoy the sight as he finishes undressing.

Spooning isn’t Carlos’s favorite sexual position. Most of the time, he likes to be able to see TK’s face and have easy access to TK’s lips. He likes to be able to read what TK wants and needs from his facial expression. He loves the way TK will bury his face in Carlos’s neck when he’s on top, gets overwhelmed, and he needs Carlos to take over. Scenarios Carlos has imagined with TK facing away from him usually involve them being so impatient that he bends TK over the nearest surface or presses him against the wall.

Of course, TK’s always impatient in bed. Carlos usually enjoys making him wait and teasing him until he’s desperate, but today Carlos is just as impatient even if he’s trying to maintain control. It doesn’t matter anyway because TK has worked himself up with just the anticipation. Carlos lies in front of him so that he can kiss TK through the preparation. TK’s always opened for him easily, but Carlos can’t help wanting to be extra careful. The first press of his finger confirms that Carlos shouldn’t have worried. TK’s body accepts his fingers easily. When Carlos strokes his prostate, TK breaks away from their kiss to press his face into Carlos’s neck. He’s fingered TK multiple times in the past week, but it still feels more intense because, this time, they can move past it.

Carlos doesn’t have it in him to tease. He doesn’t make TK beg before he moves behind him and presses inside. TK arches into his chest and Carlos is sure that neither of them mind the position if it means being this close to each other again.

“Let me do all the work,” Carlos reminds TK when he tries to push back and TK laughs.

“I usually let you to most of the work, but okay.”

Carlos can’t help his light laugh as he kisses the back of TK’s neck and tries to change his angle to get the reaction he wants. This might not be perfect, but sex doesn’t have to be perfect because they can laugh at their stumbling as they figure it out.

“Fuck. There. Harder. Right there,” TK gasps. Yeah. That’s what Carlos was looking for.

“Yeah?” Carlos asks with a grin. He knows the answer when he repeats his actions and TK grips the hand Carlos has on his hip and moans. Carlos is never going to get tired of taking TK apart. He loves everything about it—the noises TK never tries to hold in, the way he clings and grabs at Carlos like he can’t get close enough even when there’s almost no space between them. When Carlos finally wraps his hand around TK’s cock and strokes him, TK whimpers and whines until he falls apart in Carlos’s arms.

By now, Carlos knows that TK won’t want him to stop. He lets his hand move to TK’s chest and TK laces their fingers together as Carlos thrusts into him erratically. When he comes, Carlos collapses against TK’s back.

“Fuck. I swear I’m always careful, but I’m going to be so careful when I go back to work so that I never have to wait for you to fuck me again,” TK says, making Carlos laugh into his back. When Carlos pulls out, TK rolls onto his back and turns his head so that he can be kissed.

“Are you still doing all the work?” TK asks when they separate. “Because I’m covered in come and lube because you spread my come all the way up my chest. It’s getting kind of gross.”

“You’re such a brat,” Carlos says but he kisses TK again before getting up so that he can clean himself off and bring back a towel to clean TK off. TK curls up on his chest. They’ll need to get up to eat, but right now, Carlos just wants to lie in bed and hold him. As much as TK pushes for sex, Carlos suspects he also likes the aftermath of feeling settled and close the most. The only time he’s more settled is after Carlos has taken him down, but he’s less coherent then.

“I think my doctor is hoping my dad doesn’t miss any more of my appointments. I maintain that he’s a doctor and this is part of his job, but I was not his favorite appointment.”

“Do you think you should switch?” Carlos asks.

“No. I don’t think he’s homophobic. He was just assuming everyone is hetero. And he says I can start physical therapy, so now isn’t the time to change anyway. He’s just about done with me anyway. And my dad already said he wants to come to my physical therapy appointment so that he knows what I’m actually supposed to be doing and can stop me from over-doing it. So, I told him that he has to let me go to his next cancer consultation so I can ask his doctor a bunch of questions and make sure he’s not doing anything _he_ shouldn’t be doing.”

Carlos laughs. He definitely wouldn’t be letting his parents come to doctor’s appointments if he was in TK’s place, but he’s accepted that TK and Owen have their own dynamic that he’ll never quite understand.

“You know if you push yourself and you hurt your shoulder, we’re going to have sex restrictions even longer.”

TK groans. “Yes, I know. It’s very effective motivation so my dad should stop worrying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I posted this on tumblr but I wanted to get feedback here. Especially from teachers that I have reading:
> 
> So I never intended to write any more pandemic stories in Lone Star, but since they are including it in the series, I then assumed it would eventually exist in the My Salvation series because I always intended to continue doing scene fillers for the new season.
> 
> Then today I realized in the Surrender verse, if Carlos is remote teaching, TK could actually watch him teach at some point. And that has to be super-cute from TK’s point of view. So votes in replies:
> 
> 1\. Write it into the Surrender verse. --- This *might* allow me to work in more of season 2, but we know so little that it’s hard to tell.  
> 2\. Write an extra that is technically an AU of the AU and be done with it.  
> 3\. Continue writing Surrender!verse without the pandemic and then also write an AU with it, so that it’s choose your own adventure situation.  
> 4\. Decide when the new season starts. It’s only two months away.  
> 5\. Get a damn life because some of these assume I will have lots of time and I already have 3 verses regularly updating before the new season when My Salvation will make it 4. (Lets be honest, I’m unlikely to get a life.)
> 
> Please comment with opinions. :D (Because I've ignored it so far, in this verse, we'd be pretending that the pandemic kind of started in August. Whatever. Time doesn't matter.)


	18. Chapter 18

TK drops his dad off at work so he can take his father’s truck to pick his mom up at the airport. He parks and goes inside to wait because he’s not going to pick up his mother at the curb like she’s just anyone. TK hasn’t seen his mother in months. It’s the longest they’ve ever spent without seeing each other in his life, and TK knows it’s at least a little his fault. He avoided her calls after his relapse because he couldn’t face her. She let him because he’s an adult. After how much they fought about drugs when he was a teenager, he can’t blame her. She obviously had his dad keeping her updated until he was ready to talk to her again.

TK doesn’t know anyone else who comes off a plane looking like movie star. TK’s not one of those people who flies in sweatpants, but he’s not trying to impress a paparazzi photographer either. His mother says she never knows who she’ll meet that could be a good connection and she’s going never going to miss an opportunity to network. She claims it’s she’s more comfortable that way anyway. Honestly, TK believes her. Whenever anyone complains that TV is fake and no one looks that put together in their own house, TK thinks of his mother. The only time she’s ever looked like a mess was when he was in the hospital as a teenager. Now, she looks like New York City personified walking toward him and it makes him miss the city like nothing in the last few months has.

She lets go of her suitcase to hug him. She’s one of the most intimidating women in New York City, but no matter how much she drives him crazy, she’s still the stable thing he’s ever had in his life. When she pulls back, she holds his face in her hands and looks at him.

“You’ve got to stop doing this to me, you know?” She says. “You’re worth every single grey hair, but it’s driving my stylist crazy.”

“This one really wasn’t my fault,” TK points out.

“There are less dangerous jobs,” she says before letting him go and cutting off his attempts to take her suitcase. “How’s your father _really_? Still not taking a day off even though he has cancer? Does this new girlfriend know what she’s getting into? Please tell me she’s a good one. I swear I will never understand how that man only has amazing taste or the absolute worst taste. He can’t do anything half-way in his entire life, but he never figures out the bad ones until it’s too late.”

“She’s a good one,” TK says before she can point out that _TK_ made a horrible marriage decision just like his dad. At least TK didn’t end up married to Alex.

“And it sounds like you’ve got a good one, too?” she says with a smile as they leave the airport.

“Yeah.” TK can’t help smiling back. “I really do. Please try not to scare him? He’s so nervous about meeting you.”

“According to your father, I probably couldn’t scare him away if I wanted to.”

It’s still hard to believe, but TK’s getting there.

“Maybe, but mom, he’s sweet. Really. _You_ will feel guilty if you scare him.”

“He makes you look small, TK. I think he can handle it.”

“As if that matters. You’re the champion of taking down powerful men after they underestimate you and you know it.”

His mother laughs and stops them so she can look at him. “Using me as an argument against me. My son _does_ still have some of me in him.”

“Does that mean you’ll be nice?” TK asks as they continue the short distance left to his father’s SUV and stop in front of it.

“ _This_ is the car your father bought?” she says instead of answering his question. “Really? Are you sure he’s not compensating for something? I was reading about the side effects of his cancer treatments.”

***

 **TK:** Don’t be nervous. My mom already likes you. I promise.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** I’m going to be nervous. It’s your mom.  
**TK:** Seriously. Really. Just be yourself. She’ll love you. And it doesn’t matter at all anyway because I love you and I haven’t stopped dating someone because my parents didn’t like them in my entire life. Why do you think they’re so excited about you? It’s not because I broke up with guys they didn’t like.

***

TK isn’t surprised Carlos is at the restaurant before them. He’s wearing a button-up shirt and looking so good that TK’s already impatient to drop his mom off at her hotel for the night.

“I can see how he held your attention,” his mom says with a smirk.

TK starts to object, but then Carlos smiles at him nervously. She’s not wrong. Carlos is gorgeous and that’s exactly why TK originally went for him. TK is so lucky he didn’t give up when TK was a mess. TK smiles back and walks into his arms for a quick kiss before letting Carlos charm is mom with his southern manners.

***

“There goes my hope that I can talk you into coming home,” his mom says when he’s driving her back to the hotel, but when he looks over, she’s smiling.

“It’s not just him,” TK says.

“I know.” His mom pauses, but TK knows when she’s not finished with her thought.

“I just want you to be safe and happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I know I’ve always pushed you to do different things, but I just wanted you to be happy, and you never seemed like you were there,” she says as she reaches across the car and rubs his shoulder. “I guess, I kind of knew you needed your life to slow down a little, but I wanted it to not mean leaving New York. It was hard enough to reach you when we were in the same city.”

“Mom, I answer your texts.” TK hates that he knows his whine sounds immature. And that she’s right. Sometimes he takes his time answering her for no good reason.

“I just want to stop getting calls that you’re in the hospital and then have you tell me you’re fine a few days later—this time before I could even get to you. And then you just want to go back to work. Even though you’ve already had to get your stitches fixed once.”

“If I hadn’t helped, that woman would’ve died,” TK reminds her as he parks the car at her hotel.

“I know. I get that. I really do. But I’m still your mom. I lost your father to this job and it’s still trying to take him. I can’t lose you, too. I love that you care so much about helping other people, but I love you too much to care about any of those people more than I care about you.”

“You’re not going to lose me.”

“TK, I know you think you have nine lives, but you’ve used up at least four. I will stop worrying if you promise me that you’ll take care of yourself. I never thought I’d say that I feel better with you living with your father, but here we are.”

“I’m not moving out. You don’t have to talk me into that.” Even if he could move out for himself, he doesn’t want to leave his dad alone while he’s sick.

“Good. Because I don’t trust him to take care of himself either. Maybe with Carlos around, I’ll worry less about both of you.”

***

 **TK:** My mom loves you. She literally said that she doesn’t trust me or my dad to take care of ourselves but she feels better with you around because you seem to have more sense.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** I’m not sure that’s a high compliment. Since I met you, you’ve been to the hospital twice and your dad volunteered to take that firefighter test while going through chemo.  
**TK:** You owe me because I told her that you said that so she’d like you more and now she’s laughing at me. (But she does really like you.)  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** I’m sure I can make it up to you after she’s gone.

***

 **TK:** I’m bringing mom by the station if you want to hide.  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** I don’t need to hide from your mother.  
**TK:** Uh huh. You know she’s not going to want to stay long anyway.  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** Judd’s going to invite her to his house on Sunday so she can spend more time with the crew and Carlos then. I’ll come if things are quiet here.  
**TK:** So…you’ll come if both Zoe and Grace are there to protect you.  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** I’m not bringing Zoe. I like Zoe. Meeting my ex-wife requires a lot more preparation before I subject her to that. I let you meet Zoe because you make me look good just by existing because I can take some credit for you.  
**TK:** Carlos met Mom and she loves him.  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** Carlos is dating her SON. Very different.  
**TK:** Mom says you shouldn’t marry anyone she hasn’t met again and I kind of agree with her. I love you, but she’s not wrong…  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** One day. She’s here one day and you’re ganging up on me. Maybe someone will start a fire before you get here. Remind her these aren’t just your friends. I’m their boss.

***

 **Paul 🕵️:** Your dad just asked Judd to get Grace to fake a call for us.  
**TK:** Tell him to relax. She’s in a good mood. She loves Carlos.  
**Paul 🕵️:** Who doesn’t love Carlos?  
**TK:** I know. 😍  
**Paul 🕵️:** Your dad is not calmed by her being in a good mood. He’s trying to send Marjan on an errand. It’s only making her excited to meet your mom.  
**TK:** They’ve been getting along lately and texting about me. No sympathy for him.

***

TK knows the firehouse will be a short visit. It’s hard to hold it against his mom. The firehouse took his dad from both of them. They just dealt with it differently. She’s only going along because his father hasn’t agreed to go to dinner, and she knows that TK wants her to see where he works and meet his friends.

TK’s dad meets them at the door.

“I’m going to take it personally if the alarm goes off,” she says as they hug.

“It’s the Fourth of July in Texas. Not my fault,” his dad says.

“Then why aren’t you going to this dinner tomorrow? Or bringing your girlfriend? Are you afraid I won’t like her or are you afraid that we’ll get along?”

The older TK gets, the less he understands his parents’ relationship with each other. They’ve been divorced almost twenty years and they still flirt randomly when they’re not fighting about him.

“She’s not my girlfriend yet. She’s only met TK a couple times. I need her to like me more before you meet her. You know it’s not normal to expect to meet my girlfriends now that TK’s an adult.”

***

 **👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Come back to Judd’s house after you drop off your mom.  
**TK:** Why?  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Trust me?  
**TK:** I do trust you. I’m confused about what you planned that involves Judd.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** It was my idea. I just knew Judd would want to be involved so I’m getting on his good side by letting him. Probably risking how much your mom likes me a little…  
**TK:** OMG. Do you have a secret bad boy side? I’m calling my doctor and demanding permission for you to really fuck me.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Should I be concerned you really want a bad boy? Because you should consider that Judd is involved. Do you think he’d approve of something actually bad?  
**TK:** You want to spank me. You already have a secret bad boy side that I like very much. But you’re right, I don’t want Judd involved in that. I need to bleach my brain really quick and then I’ll be on the way back.

***

Everyone is still at Judd’s house. TK should remind them that the reason his mom went back to the hotel is that her flight is early, he has to drive her, and Judd lives outside of the city.

“Okay. I don’t know what this expression means,” TK says when Carlos meets him at the car. “You look very proud of yourself, but kind of like you know you’re doing something bad. And you very clearly left my mom out of this on purpose. I’m not approved for horseback riding.”

“I know,” Carlos says gently. “Which is why I’m not bringing that up right now. But I want you to keep an open mind. Because I want to introduce you to new things.”

“I can think of a couple new things you’ve introduced me to that I’ve really liked,” TK says with a smirk.

Carlos lets TK kiss him, but he pushes him back after one kiss and says, “Again, consider that I told Judd because I knew if I did this without him, he’d be disappointed. So it’s definitely not _that_ kind of new experience.”

TK makes a face.

“Does this involve teaching me something?”

“It’s nothing difficult,” Carlos says as he pulls TK by the hand to Judd’s backyard. “I did agree to let Judd help you with your first one though. I want him to like me, and he was so excited.”

They enter the backyard and TK feels like there’s way too many eyes on him when Judd walks up to him…and hands him a piece of wire.

“I already had no idea what was going on and now I’m just confused.”

“Your man let me know that _you_ have never played with sparklers,” Jude says with a grin. TK groans.

“You spent all weekend putting out firework fires,” TK says.

“And we have a backyard full of firefighters,” Judd says. “Come on. Sparklers aren’t even illegal in the city. They’re harmless. The grass is wet.”

“It’s not even the Fourth of July anymore.”

“Well, your mom is right about it not being a fair holiday because not everyone was free on the fourth anyway,” Carlos says.

“So we’re just playing with fire for fun, then?”

“Yep!” Judd says with glee that TK should really be concerned about.

“I don’t trust that you aren’t just warming me up with sparklers and bringing out more fireworks later.”

Marjan lights her own sparkler and writes her name with it. “You know, if we start a fire you can help put it out…”

“Sometimes, you scare me,” TK says, but he sighs and holds out his sparkler so Judd can light it. Carlos lights his own sparkler off of TK’s because apparently TK’s in love with a man who doesn’t care about fire safety _at all_.

“Come on,” Carlos smiles at him and draws a heart with his sparkler which makes _everyone_ whistle at them.

TK gives in and draws a 126.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this was the TV show they’d be playing with sparklers and there’d be a montage with music. Also, yes there were more fireworks. No, I do not recommend letting children light roman candles and bottle rockets. I burned my finger like that when I was nine.
> 
> Carlos’s texts to Judd when I started this chapter from his POV and it didn’t work:
> 
>  **Carlos:** TK has never lit a sparkler.  
>  **Judd:** I don’t think you were supposed to use my number to get me on your side for something he’s expressed no interest in.  
>  **Carlos:** I’m making this happen after his mom goes back to the hotel. You can be involved or you can not be involved. I have my own backyard.  
>  **Judd:** Hell no. Get him back to my house after he drops her off. You can’t do fireworks in the city anyway.  
>  **Judd:** Yes, I notice you’re not doing this while his mom’s here.
> 
> ***
> 
> Also, I wrote this before they even cast TK’s mom. I guess I will just find out how close it is to reality because we still don’t have any idea when the next season starts. I’m posting an extra in this verse on Tuesday evening, so keep an eye on the Extras fic. I wanted to post this chapter before I wrote his mom while TK is a teenager. Also, maybe just keep an eye out in the Lone Star tag in general? After editing it, I've realized that because it doesn't include Carlos, it could just be a general background headcanon stand alone. So it will get posted. I just haven't decided how to catagorize it.


	19. Chapter 19

Carlos isn’t going to even try to pretend he’s not enjoying being able to have sex again. Even if they can’t have sex in every position, it’s still good. He doesn’t want to pretend anyway because there are still little moments that TK is unsure of himself and Carlos wants nothing more than to convince TK that Carlos _wants_ him. He _does_ understand all the reasons TK doesn’t want to move out of his father’s house, but Carlos hates the nights that he sleeps alone.

**TK:** Are you alone?  
**Carlos:** Yes.  
**TK:** [picture message]  
**TK:** I’m bored. 🤷♂ 😏  
**Carlos:** I don’t know if you’re just that good at taking nudes or if it’s just that you look that good regardless.  
**TK:** Both?  
**TK:** [picture message]  
**Carlos:** That is in my bed. When did you take that?  
**TK:** …I might have used your spare key.  
**Carlos:** Not complaining. Except that I hate that I’m just now getting in my car.  
**TK:** WE CAN HAVE SEX. However we want.  
**Carlos:** Be in my bed when I get there.

***

Carlos almost regrets that he told TK to wait in his bed instead of meeting him at the door. But it means he can strip off his clothes on the way, enter his bedroom naked, and immediately climb on the bed to cover TK with his body. TK returns his kiss with enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around Carlos’s back and trying to pull him closer.

“I’m not going to break,” TK says when Carlos resists lying completely on top of him. Carlos pulls back to look at him and isn’t surprised when TK whines at the distance.

“You have to tell me if anything hurts.”

“The only thing that could _possibly_ hurt me is if I was holding myself up. You can really just fuck me like this. _Please_.”

So Carlos gives in. He wants this just as much as TK does. He kisses TK like they haven’t kissed in weeks and thrusts down when TK pushes up.

“Fuck,” TK gasps as Carlos kisses down his neck. “Please. I need you to fuck me.”

Carlos tries to pull away because he’s just as impatient, but TK holds on.

Carlos laughs. “Baby, I need to get lube if I’m going to fuck you.”

TK feels around the bed and throws a bottle of lube and a condom at Carlos without even trying for any kind of grace or aim. He laughs when Carlos fumbles with the bottle. Carlos has to lean down and kiss his smile as he moves to the side so that he has space to work his fingers into TK’s body. He’s never going to get tired of the way TK responds to his touch. When Carlos looks at his face to search for any discomfort, TK meets and holds his gaze, and all Carlos sees in his eyes is _want_ and _love_ and _trust_.

Tomorrow, he’s going to tease TK until he’s begging. Today, they need to get hard and fast out of their systems again because it feels like the last few weeks have been one long tease. He still holds TK back when TK tries hurry him because Carlos isn’t impatient enough to rush and hurt him.

“Hey,” Carlos soothes after TK whines. “I’m going to fuck you as hard as you want, I promise, but let me get you ready. If you want me to be able to let go, then I have to make sure you’re ready for it.”

It doesn’t do any good because TK insists that he’s ready when Carlos doesn’t think it’s possible, but then, Carlos knew it wouldn’t work. The only thing that will calm TK down will be giving them both what they want. So, he kisses TK and whispers reassurances as until he’s finally able to push into him. It just makes TK ask him to go harder before he’s even started. Carlos laughs and TK uses the opportunity to push up and take more. Fuck. He loves this so much. Carlos pins one hand above TK’s head and then the other, enjoying the way TK pushes against his hold before melting completely.

Carlos still picks up the speed of his thrusts gradually, watching TK for discomfort until he finally feels safe letting go.

“Yes. Fuck, yes.” TK writhes against him, obviously trying to get more friction. Carlos loves him like this. In all the months Carlos had to wait for TK to really let him in, this was the first place TK gave in, the first place he stopped trying to hide. He whines and moans and pushes back as Carlos goes for his neck because TK isn’t coherent enough to kiss back.

Carlos isn’t in the mood to make him wait, so when TK whimpers desperately, Carlos lets go of one of his hands to reach between them and get TK off. He comes with a sob and the tension drains out of him.

TK’s orgasm takes the fight out of him. He lies back and gasps for breath while he lets Carlos fuck him hard and fast until Carlos finishes inside him.

When Carlos collapses on top of him, and TK doesn’t even complain. He hums contently and wraps his arms around Carlos’s back.

“I love you so much,” TK says as he nuzzles Carlos’s neck. “And I promise I’d love you if the sex wasn’t that good, but _fuck_ I love that it is.”

Carlos’s laugh makes him wince because he’s still inside TK and it’s too much. He pulls out even though TK whines.

“Baby, you need more?” Carlos starts to reach down with his fingers. He’s not sure how long he’s going to need to recharge or if he even can, but he can use his fingers. But TK stops him.

“No, I’m good. I just want you close.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to get this out yesterday but it needed another edit. It doesn't matter because we still don't know who the president is so it's still a bit of respite from the stress I hope. If you missed the extra I posted because I decided to post it as a stand alone, I did write some backstory of TK as a teenager. It's up on Ao3.


	20. Chapter 20

TK loves Carlos. He loves all the time he’s had with Carlos. He knows that if Carlos hadn’t had so much time off or if they hadn’t been at a point in their relationship where they wanted so much time together, then having so much time off work would’ve been a lot worse. Plus, he still feels like he hasn’t figured out Austin completely, so without Carlos, he would have missed New York a lot more.

But he wants to get back to work. No matter how great Paul and Judd are about trying to spend time with him, it’s just not the same. He misses his team. He misses the firehouse. He’s even started to miss sleeping in at the station with Buttercup. And that says a lot because he’s only slept alone four times since he got out of the hospital.

***

**TK:** I passed everything. I will see everyone at work on Monday!  
 **Marjan:** I’m so excited to not listen to you bitch about being bored anymore!  
 **Paul 🕵️:** I was going to be nicer about it, but…same.  
 **👨👦Dad 🚒:** I knew you’d get through everything. Everyone’s excited to have you back.  
 **🤠Judd:** Marjan’s just jealous because she knows she’s going to be sleeping alone at night now.  
 **Michelle 🚑:** Try not to break yourself again.  
 **TK:** There’s no way this was my fault.  
 **Michelle 🚑:** The first time. Pulling the bumper off a bus by yourself when there was a strong person in the vicinity to help you…  
 **TK:** Why are you worse than my dad and Judd combined?  
 **Michelle 🚑:** Because they’re both as dumb as you when given the chance and they know it. I trust Paul not to be reckless on this squad and that’s it.  
 **Paul 🕵️:** 🦗 🦗 🦗

***  
Of course, his friends are all working when he gets approval to come back to work so they can’t celebrate with him. Celebrating with Carlos because his team is too busy at work for him to drop by is a close second anyway.

Even after amazing sex, TK’s too happy to stop kissing him and nuzzling his neck. Carlos indulges him, laughing as TK kisses his neck and lies on top of him. TK’s not sure if they’re actually going to recover for a second round, but he’s has too much energy to sleep. And he loves the way Carlos smiles and laughs at his ridiculousness—the way Carlos seems to be enjoying his energy even though TK can tell he’s starting to want to go to sleep.

“You can tell me to let you rest,” TK says when Carlos’s responses get slower.

“I’m not _that_ tired,” Carlos says. “If it gets to that point, I’m not too proud to wear you out with a vibrator so you’ll go to sleep.”

TK freezes. They haven’t used toys before, and he wasn’t even sure Carlos had any.

“Is that an option?” TK asks. He was happy to just keep kissing Carlos randomly and maybe get himself off on Carlos’s thigh if Carlos was too tired to help much. But now that the idea is in in his head?

Carlos laughs. “It can be. I might have decided I should be prepared for this moment the first time I realized that overstimulation doesn’t make you want to stop at all. Yes, I _know_ you’ll always be okay if I’m not in the mood, but I _like_ knowing I’ve worn you out completely.”

TK thrusts against Carlos’s thigh at the thought. He wasn’t sure he was going to get hard again but apparently his cock just needed some motivation. Carlos laughs at him and says, “I’ll take that as a _yes, please_ ,” before leaning over the edge of the bed to pull a box out from under the bed.

“It’s your fault. I wasn’t even sure I was going to want to go again, but you had to suggest toys.”

Carlos just gives him an amused smile as he puts and condom and lube on a vibrator and pulls TK closer so that he’s draped over Carlos’s chest. Maybe the plan can still be getting off on Carlos’s thigh.

“Can you tell me what you usually like?” Carlos asks.

“Start with it low. It’s kind of like everything I like,” TK admits.

“I’m going to take that as meaning you want to be teased until you’re begging for it.”

TK doesn’t have a chance to answer him because Carlos turns the vibrator on low and presses it against him. TK tries to push back so that it will slip inside of him, but Carlos is ready and holds him closer so that he can’t move. TK whines and hides his face Carlos’s neck. This is going to be the most amazing torture.

TK’s almost as turned on by Carlos holding him still as he is by the vibrator teasing him. He has just enough space to grind against Carlos’s thigh as Carlos trails the toy between his cheeks and then back up to circle around his hole again. It’s been long enough since his first orgasm that he doesn’t have the slight undercurrent of _too much_ that he knows Carlos doesn’t enjoy the way he does. But it’s also something that can take him into subspace if it’s long and purposeful and TK doesn’t think he’s in the mood for that.

But that doesn’t mean he’s any less overwhelmed by the way Carlos makes him wait for what he wants. Carlos even makes it worse by turning the toy off and playing with his fingers so that when he turns on the vibrator again TK is sensitive to a low vibration all over again. By the time Carlos actually turns up the speed and presses it to TK’s prostate, TK can’t kiss him. He can only hide his face and whimper into Carlos’s neck and thrust against his thigh until he comes hard.

“Oh my god.” TK says as he clings to Carlos. Logically, he knows Carlos isn’t careless enough to just toss the vibrator aside, but TK doesn’t care about anything except that he’s not moving. Carlos laughs at him as he kisses TK’s forehead and strokes the back of his neck.

“This doesn’t encourage me to stop annoying you when you’re tired and I’m not.”

Carlos tilts TK’s chin up to kiss him.

“You weren’t annoying me at all. Not even a little. You can’t possibly think you annoy me by being all over me after we have sex. I did _this_ because you said you wanted it and I wanted to do it for you. _Not_ because you were annoying me.”

TK always tries to hide his need for reassurance behind being a brat, and Carlos always sees through it. Carlos isn’t the only one. Paul sees it. His dad sees it. Even Judd sees through him these days. TK just happens to need Carlos’s reassurance the most. And Carlos always reassures him. Every single time. So even though Carlos lets go of TK’s chin, TK keeps looking at him when he says, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is wondering, no, I didn’t forget Pride after I promised to write it. Pride in Austin is in August. So after I googled and figured that out, I put a note to put it in if we got to August. This felt done here. I am going to write a Pride extra and it will be out in the extras post before the sequel.
> 
> Then I’m going to play choose your own adventure at this point of the fic. I think I have started changing my point of view about leaving out the pandemic, partially because the show is including it and partially because I am still quarantined where I live. My job was originally supposed to stop being remote in November and it doesn’t seem like that’s happening any time soon. It’s getting weird to write a world that isn’t real. But I know people still like the escape of this verse. So I have no idea which direction will take off more. I probably won’t know until I have a better idea of what the show is doing. So far I’ve started the not-pandemic version and it’s going to come out first. I may wait and figure out what the show says about Michelle leaving before doing the pandemic version.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to read all my other stuff it is posted on a different site or (if you just want to follow me on tumblr so I have more 9-1-1: Love Star people), I'm not to allowed to link it here, but the link to that can be found on  
> my tumblr: @lostinanimage
> 
> As always, if you find typos and want to tell me about them, go ahead. I'm always happy to go fix them.


End file.
